I’m pretty sure this blog is more for me than it is for anyone else. I know that is selfish, but I can group my thoughts here better than any other place besides my journal or to my best friend. =)

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This weekend has been quite the reminiscent weekend for some reason. With school halfway over, it starting to warm up and remind me of summer, spring break showing up in a week, taking pictures of my youth girls yesterday and sitting at McDonald’s for hours drinking Chevron sodas, spending time at church, and a lovely birthday celebration for my youth girl Karis who is turning 13 tomorrow, reminiscing only seems necessary. Last night, after the photoshoot, I found myself listening to Rascal Flatts “My Wish” singing along to all the songs and thinking about high school and the days me and my best friends would drive to the beach with the windows rolled down screaming all of their songs. Rascal Flatts AND Taylor Swift of course. I can’t help but think back to the days when I was 13, young, anxious for my later years, and wishing I had braces, glasses, and could drive. Weird, I know.

Now, here I am. 20 (21 in less than a month). I had braces. I should have glasses. I’m getting ready to finish my junior year in college. I am getting old. I know all you older people who are reading this will probably roll your eyes and say I am not old and I have my whole life to live, but I am old. Life is so fleeting. I have lived 21 years on this planet…how did that happen? That is a lot! I am a lot older than the 12-or-13 year old several years ago whose biggest dream was to be in high school. I am a lot different than that girl in junior high and elementary school who just wanted the boy who sat next to her in class to like her. I am a lot different than that girl who wasn’t good at sports and only liked pink. 

I would venture to say I am a woman now. That I have grown into my body. That I could take care of myself if I lived on my own. That life would take it’s blows and I’d be alright. The waves and storms would come and I’d still be standing. Life is funny like that. Though it is hard, and life is rough, it is so rewarding. The things you go through now, the hard stuff, mature you and make you into who you are supposed to be later in life. And, the things we go through now are only ordained by the Lord. Nothing in our life would come into fruition if it weren’t for the Lord’s work in my life; if it weren’t for his will.

Isaiah 40:6-8 says it so well:

“A voice says, “Cry!”
        And I said, “What shall I cry?”
    All flesh is grass,
        and all its beauty is like the flower of the field.
     The grass withers, the flower fades
        when the breath of the LORD blows on it;
        surely the people are grass.
     The grass withers, the flower fades,
        but the word of our God will stand forever.”

The writer compares us to grass and our beauty as the flower of the field. All flesh and beauty will eventually die because the Lord has power over it. It says that “the grass withers, and flower fades when the breath of the Lord blows on it; surely the people are grass” (v 7). The Lord has power over my life: how many years I will live, who I will come in contact with, who will leave my life, what I will do, what organizations or jobs I will be involved with, etc. The Lord knows and directs it all. The Lord has power over it all. 

With that said, so much of my life is uncertain as it always is. So much of my life is filled with things that are pending. I believe I wrote a blog about that about a year or two ago from now about how all the things in my life are at a standstill and I am just waiting to hear back from so many different things.

This summer, I have a job offer to work at Mt. Hermon to be a counselor for Amata. This camp is amazing and serves young women from 8th-11th grades only. It has longer sessions, two weeks instead of one, at a time. And it is more intensive, more discipleship driven. It goes from June to August. This camp would be awesome, but so would a full time job. Pending…

Next year, I have a job offer to work with Residents life again as an Resident Assistant. I will be working in the dorms with freshman women. Also very intensive and discipleship driven because you are working with the girls 24/7 for 9 months of the school year living with them. Also such a great opportunity. Pending…

Right now, there are so many decisions. The two above are pretty big, but there are so many other big and little decisions to make. The Lord has given me everything. The Lord could also take away everything…with one breath of his lungs and it could wither and fade. Pending…

With this knowledge brings a great perspective:

If the Lord is in charge of it all and if he has ordained everything to be as it is in my life, then seeking the Lord better be high priority on my list of To Do’s. Also, if the Lord is in charge of it all and if he has ordained everything to be as it is in my life, what I desire to do is ultimately not important; it is what the Lord wants. ANDDD, if the Lord is in charge of it all and if he has ordained everything to be as it is in my life, everything I choose to do should be with his Glory and Name in mind and action. With all these decisions and with my life going into the direction it is going, I better be very careful with what I choose.

I read recently in Psalms 37 and it was a blessing:  

     “Trust in the LORD, and do good;
        dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
     Delight yourself in the LORD,
        and he will give you the desires of your heart.

    Commit your way to the LORD;
        trust in him, and he will act.
     He will bring forth your righteousness as the light,
        and your justice as the noonday.

    Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
        fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way,
        over the man who carries out evil devices!”

My prayer for my future plans is that:
1) the Lord will be glorified.
2) that I would trust in the Lord.
3) That I would wait patiently for him.
4) That I would keep the right perspective of the Lord to myself. He is great, I am weak. I need him desperately.
5) That I will delight myself in the Lord so that my desires become his desires.
6) That I will commit my way to Him and Him only.
7) That my full joy and satisfaction would come from him and not the deadly ways of the world.
8) That I would continue to fall in love with the Bride Groom and that as His bride, I would seek purity and holiness in my life.
9)That in every decision I make in the next couple of months, that I would seek the Lord and pursue him.
10) and finally, that I would love through word and deed. That what I say would make an impact on peoples lives. That what I DO would have an impact on people’s lives.

The Lord is good!!!

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Here’s several pictures for your enjoyment…

To Be Continued… =)