Category: Wisdom

I find myself in a world that I never thought I’d be in. Throwing around words and phrases that I had only heard in my Behavioral Science and Psychology classes in college like codependency, enabling, self-talk, sponsorship, and ‘working the program.’ Not that I didn’t subconsciously expect myself to be here in this world. As many did in that room with me, I grew up wanting to help everyone I could to live the best life they could. I was a rescuer. A fixer. I still am. So, I find myself trying to control everyone’s lives and change them, ‘for the better.’ I find myself attracted to people who need help. Who need ‘MY’ help…or so I think.

I have begun to realize as so many in my meetings say, “Ours is a disease of thinking, not drinking.” So true. Though I don’t have a substance problem, my ‘disease’ at times seems all-encompassing. Sometimes even a nice, respectful conversation with another human being seems impossible. Sometimes even sitting shotgun with my husband is a struggle for control…”why are you taking this way?” “Turn left here.” “Pass this guy….” Ugh. My cheeks get red just thinking about how embarrassing I am to myself sometimes in the amount of control on others I try to have. Most of the time I feel like a complete failure in my relationships.

Sitting in my meeting this morning, the man who was leading shared about the failures and obstacles we face, and how they aren’t the end all; they are what has given us the wisdom that we have now. We aren’t the story we once were. We now have written a different outcome to our lives. Each day is a new opportunity to write something new.

Yesterday in church, my pastor Bevan shared about this same concept. So often, because God’s standard of morality is so great, we run in light of our failures and shortcomings. He gave the example of a pro MMA fighter challenging him in a dual. He explained that he would skip the state because he knows he doesn’t even come close to being able to compete with him. A lot of us do this with God. We run. But instead, we must run to God. Run to his grace. Because our failures and shortcomings are what qualify us to receive his grace; they don’t disqualify us as we often try to tell ourselves. So beautiful. Yes, God is big; Yes, our failures are many, but His grace and love for us is so deep.

So, as I grieve the fact that I am sitting in that room surrounded by others who probably at some point have grieved the fact that they are in that room as well, I realize that we are all learning. God (they all say: ‘Higher Power’…I just can’t get myself to say that…It’s Jesus…Always will be) is taking what so often feels like utter failure and lavishing us with grace so that we can run to him. So that we can be changed. I type with tears streaming down my face because I am so grateful that he isn’t done with me yet. He will never be done with me. I don’t have to be left to ruin relationship after relationship. I can have healthy relationships with good, healthy boundaries. I can help people when appropriate without trying to shove everything I’ve ever learned down someone’s throat. I don’t have to clean up everyones mess. I can work on my relationship with Jesus and learn to love and look like Him more. I can clean up my side of the street.

This realization is so freeing. God’s the one in control. I am not. Amen!

Dishes filling the sink. Laundry overflowing out of the hamper. Toothpaste spots all over the mirror. Cherrios scattered across the floor. Beds unmade. Throw pillows off the couch and in a heap. Whew, just thinking about the mess can be overwhelming…

As I spend time in my house, I spend most of that time wishing I wasn’t there to be quite honest. The lingering feeling of disarray and chaos makes being home an anxiety instead of a joy.

This weekend I got to listen to hours of wisdom by Sally Clarkson. She wrote the book Desperate, alongside of Sarah Mae, and let me tell you, that book spoke to my heart. And this weekend spoke to my heart. I left feeling so challenged and so ready to conquer my little world.

She spoke about hospitality and order and mentoring and engaging your family…h.o.m.e. Things that I dream of being better at…things I constantly fail at.

Yes, some I do well, but others are non-existent. Like order, for example. That paragraph about dishes and laundry and cherrios. Yep. That’s my life on a regular basis. So I sit in the home that should be a sanctuary to allow my family’s hearts to blossom and instead I feel angst.

Our home should be a place of rest. It should be a place where we, me, my husband, and my child(ren), should feel the most comfortable. It should be a place to engage with one another. It should be a place of learning and growing. It should be a place of peace and order.

So, I came home with fire under my butt ready to conquer these goals I have set… So what are my goals, you ask? Here they are:

-Morning: clean up the breakfast mess. Put dried dishes away. Make bed.

-Night: Clean up the house at 5:30pm before Eric gets home and before Jackson goes to bed. Dishes done before bed. Toys picked up off the floor before bed. Pillows straightened on the couch.

-Play music throughout the day. Turn the TV off more. Spend time outside – go to the park, go to the beach, go walk.

-Weekly: Welcome people into my home and serve them. Vacuum, sweep, and mop as needed. Clean bathroom. Accomplish one project a week. Do laundry before it becomes a necessity.

-Daily: spend time with God by reading my bible, spend time in prayer by journaling, pray for others. Shower (gosh, that this even needs to be a goal…#momlife). Set my diffuser in the morning so it will run all day with uplifting, energizing oils to create a welcoming and encouraging space. Don’t be in such a hurry.

-Work: Spend 10-30 minutes a day working and building my business.

So these are my goals…I love them and they seem very reasonable because they are specific and timely.

Set a smart goal with me:

S – specific

M – measurable

A – attainable

R – realistic

T – timely

Anyone else have goals they set recently? Maybe you fell off the new years resolution wagon and you need to set some new goals that are more attainable?

 

The irony of this makes me laugh.

A post about using less words.

Yet, I process with words…trying to find the happy medium.

As of late, I have blogged less and I think one of the reasons behind this is for several reasons…One, well, life is crazy. Two, I feel that my words have become so many that they have lost their importance.

I was telling my husband the other day that I need to stop talking as much in our growth group. I was somewhat expecting him to say, “nooo honey, what you say is so valuable and important…” But, he replied with a simple “yes.” It somewhat stung to hear that, but it was so good and so humbling. He probably doesn’t even remember saying it, but it resonated with me throughout this week.

Today, as I was reading in Proverbs, God’s Word really spoke to me. The Proverbs talk a lot about fools and the wise. I often read the verses and think, “oh, that was inspirational…I’ll add that to the list of the billion other things I need to work on.” Today was different…as I was reading, the ‘babbling fool’ was mentioned several times. And each time, I read it as myself instead of categorizing it to someone else who I think talks a lot…HAHA…

So as I read Proverbs 10:19, I read. “Whenever [Sarah’s] words are many, transgression is not lacking, but when [Sarah] restrains [her] lips [she] is prudent.” Or verse 8: “The wise of heart will receive commandments, but [Sarah], the babbling fool, will come to ruin.”

Yep, ouch…those outcomes don’t sound too fun.

We did an exercise in our growth group on Tuesday, and they asked us to name one of the heart attitudes that our church adapted from scripture (see them here) that we have the most difficult time with. I put one answer (which is definitely difficult for me), but as I look back on the last few months, (and if I’m being honest, the last [not quite] 26 years of my life) I struggle with giving and receiving scriptural correction. Like verse 19, I talk a lot and transgressions are many…and for those of us who talk a lot, pride is strongly attached to that.

It’s gonna be a long road, but it will be worth it.

So, reader of my blog, here’s where you come in…

What are some ways you have combatted over-talking? How have you chosen wisdom in this area of your life? How have you seen God work as you have chosen to restrain yourself instead of having babbling lips?

Ready, Set, Go!

Orange you glad I didn’t start this post off with a joke…oh wait… (Gosh, I sound like my father – actually, he would say that this post was appealing…ok, I’m done)…

I love me some fruit. Pretty much every fruit – with the exception of durian. Look it up. Smells absolutely horrid…Tasted it in Singapore. Not worth it… Take it from me, don’t try it and try not to be in close proximity to it because it stannnnnkkkkks.

Jackson is definitely my son because he also loves fruit. Bananas, watermelon, oranges, cuties, and lemon even.

He will eat pretty sparsely when it comes to other food, but fruit, he can’t get enough of.

Is it weird that when it comes to eating food we desire healthy, yummy fruit, but in our spiritual lives, often we starve ourselves. This is me, you guys. No…seriously!

I have been reading through Galatians this week. Now this book has always held a special place in my heart. It was a book in the Bible that catapulted my faith. It was a catalyst in helping me grow from the infant stage of my faith into a mature faith. It started in college when I was taking a class on how to interpret the Bible. We had to write a paper in that class and had to choose a topic. I chose Galatians 5 which talks about the fruit of the spirit.

Or so I thought…

A lot of the chapter focused on the deeds of the flesh and explains that a life that is living for Jesus in freedom is a life that produces fruit. And a life that is living for the flesh/our sinful desires, is one that produces deeds of the flesh.

Gosh, rereading this hit me like a ton of bricks. Deeds of the flesh…I exhibit a bunch of these: Jealousy, fits of anger, rivalry, dissensions, divisions, envy, strife, idolatry, enmity, etc., etc., etc.

Then I read through the fruit of the spirit: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control…

Oh boy, on my best day, I don’t exhibit these. Um, problem.

So, how did I get here? I read my Bible pretty much almost daily, I go to church and volunteer in several different areas of the church, I am in bible studies and book clubs. Shouldn’t I exhibit these?

Well, I think some of them I do better than others, but if you aren’t intentional about your walk with Jesus, why would you change? Why would you produce the fruit of the Spirit?

Right before the list of the deeds of the flesh and the fruit of the spirit, Paul says this:

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.

My gosh, if that doesn’t tell us that we need to be intentional, I don’t know what would. Kinda sounds like an SAT question.

It’s simple arithmetic, right?

If A then B. If C then D. Walk with the Spirit = not gratifying the flesh. Walk in the flesh = not gratifying the spirit.

Christ’s gift of grace makes things interesting. He has given us grace which by definition is undeserved. We, as imperfect, sinning humans, deserve death. We deserve a life separate from God because we chose that path. He has given us grace so that we can be in relationship with Him. Grace.

This grace gives us freedom – freedom from the pulls of the world. Freedom from those ‘deeds of the flesh’ mentioned above. And in that freedom he has given us, we aren’t bound to the law of religion. The law that says, ‘We must do this or that to be saved.’ No, we must believe and have faith in Jesus to be saved. Nothing more, nothing less.

So we take that freedom and run with it. I have been saved, and no deed I do can save me so who cares if I yell at my husband and talk harshly instead of in gentleness and respect. I have been saved, and no deed I do can save me, so who cares if I exhibit self-control when spending my money. I can go on and on and on.

“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery,” (Galatians 5:1).

Thats it right there…. Sums it up better than I could.

We have been given freedom – freedom from the slavery of having to do x, y, and z in order to have salvation (see: catholicism, islam, mormonism, judaism, etc). In that freedom, we don’t use it to sin more, but to walk in the Spirit, to run towards Christ.

So, what am I going to do to exhibit the fruit of the spirit more often… delve into God’s word that he gave to us: the Bible. Read it with intentionality – what can I learn from this and how can I apply it to my life? Memorize His Word to combat the temptation to fall back into the deeds of the flesh. And lastly, and definitely not least, I will do it with people. I have a group of women that I meet with each week and we keep each other accountable. We encourage one another. And we eat together.

So, when you see my mug n’ muffin monday posts – thats us eating muffins together and drinking coffee and talking about how we can know God better and tell others about how he has changed our lives.

So, orange you glad I shared with you how ap-peal-ing Galatians 5 can be?! 😉

“Pregnant woman clings to window ledge to escape…”

“Two flights diverted after bomb threats…”

“Russia: Bomb took down jet”

“Bomb blast kills dozens in Nigerian city of Yola”

Gosh, thats enough to make you just wanna crawl up in the corner in a ball and not ever leave your house, right?

As I have been reading and listening and watching the news lately, my heart aches. As I hear stories from friends of the trouble in their lives, I am just so sad. In my own life, there is pain and sadness and grief.

People around the world fleeing their country and their home because it is no longer safe – Did you catch that: their own home is no longer safe! People hanging out of windows to escape being killed by angry men with guns. Friends with illnesses, family members with illnesses and sickness. Death taking the lives of those around us.

If I spend too much time dwelling on the reality of this world and the evil walking our streets, I could just about lose it.

I was just a kid when 9-11 happened. Yes, the images flashing on the screen of the second tower falling are still vivid, but the reality of it didn’t quite sink into my innocent little mind. Death was (and sometimes still is) so foreign to me. Today, those realities hit a little closer to home and the understanding of them is greater than was before.

In the midst of all this pain and grief, it could leave a person hopeless. It can leave us asking, “why?” and “What is good left on this earth?”

~~~

In my own life, pain and hurt has not evaded me. It is apart of my everyday life. Relationships straining for peace. Sickness touching the lives of myself, my friends, and my family. Money troubles causing anxiety. And just the weight of this world…Even just a few weeks back, I was feeling pretty hopeless.

Eric, Jackson, and I all had gotten Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease; I found out some devastating news in one of my relationships and I was trying very hard to figure out what to do and how to move forward in what felt like a broken, shattered relationship; I was isolated for what felt like weeks (had to stay away from people with HFMD so I/we didn’t spread it); once I was over HFMD, I got a cold; Money is always an interesting thing; It was almost too much to bear.

How in the world will any of this get better? It seemed too big. It seemed too great for me to handle.

The truth: It is, and it was.

Life was not meant to live alone and it wasn’t meant to live with our own strength.

We were created to live in relationship. And not just in relationship with friends, family, our spouses and kids, etc (though, these relationships are very important).

We were created to live in relationship with God – the God who controls all things and is all-powerful.

My pastor recently did a series on the Sermon on the Mount that Jesus preached. Jesus preached about the blessings that come to people if they are X, Y, and Z for they will receive/inherit/etc. A, B, and C.

The points were:

– Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 5:3)
– Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted (5:4)
– Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth (5:5)
– Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied (5:6)
– Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy (5:7)
– Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God (5:8)
– Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God (5:9)
– Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven (5:10)
– Blessed are you when others rivile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad for your reward is in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. (5:11-12)

I am pretty sure that covers pretty much everything: sickness, pain, difficult situations, difficult relationships, etc.

When I read this, I have hope. When I read this, I am confident that whatever situation I am in, God will provide and protect me. I am confident that he will bless me. Now, it may not be this side of heaven, but the blessing is promised.

So when I read the news or listen to a friend tell me of a sad and difficult situation she is in, or when I am in a difficult situation, I can have hope and trust that the God who delivered Moses and the Israelites from Pharaoh, Daniel from the lion’s den, and Joshua and the spies from the King of Jericho, will deliver me too!!

We serve a mighty and great God who is sovereign over all the earth. No king or ruler or dictator has power over Him (read Proverbs 21:1). He has the power to raise the dead and make the blind see. He has the power to bring peace to the raging sea and can cause the floods to recede. Not only does he control the seen, but he controls the unseen.

To end with the sweet reminder: “The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs to it and is safe” (Proverbs 18:10).

Ever have a song that has stuck with you through years of your life? It seems like every time you are walking through a hard time in life God just brings it back into your heart and presses repeat?

Gosh, there is this one song that God just brings back into my life over and over and over again.

In my senior year of high school, I went and heard the University Choir and Orchestra of California Baptist University perform. It was at a church and the experience was unreal. Unlike any choir performance I had ever been apart of. Each note carefully selected and played with such delicacy. The risers swayed back and forth as the choir members swayed to the song and sang with such passion and care – almost like waves at the ocean. The director was passionate and interactive. During the performance, the choir members gathered around the audience and sang an acapella song, and my musical heart just about beat out of its’ chest. I knew I had to be apart of this choir…

They sang a song – I think it was the last song or the encore – that I could sing along to for the rest of my life, never get tired of it. It started out with a beautiful soprano soloist…”My faithful father, enduring friend, your tender mercy’s like a river with no end…” she sang, like an angel.

The tenor came in…”it overwhelms me, covers my sin, each time I come into your presence, I stand in wonder once again.”

Perfectly harmonizing, they sang together, “Your grace still amazes me. Your love is a mystery. Each day, I fall on my knees. Because your grace amazes me. Your grace still amazes me…”

And that chorus, to this day, rings in my ear, in the good times and in the hard times: “Your grace STILL amazes me.” And tears flood my eyes and spill over onto my cheek.

After that choir performance I went to as many performances as I could. One performance, I went up to meet the conductor and tried out to be in that same choir the following year. By his grace, I got to sing and sway with those fellow musicians singing that same song (watch the video here…I’m behind the orchestra so you can’t see me but I’m one of those many voices in the choir).

As that song echos in my heart, I think, “How can God who has been rejected over and over again still offer me grace? How could God who I have spit on with my actions countless times offer me grace?” It still amazes me.

James 1:22-25 says, “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.”

I read the second verse and I think, how silly! How could someone forget what they look like?! Well, thats the point. God, who gives us the perfect law of liberty, lavishes grace on us. It is now apart of our identity if we have accepted Jesus into our lives to be our Lord and Savior. Yet, so often we live our lives as if that is not who we are, under a different facade, wearing a mask almost. It is like looking into the mirror and forgetting what you look like. Foolishness.

Yet, he is great in mercy and rich in grace!

Later, the choir and orchestra come in full voice and full volume…they sing, “It’s deeper, it’s wider, it’s stronger, it’s higher than anything my eyes can see! Your grace still amazes me! Your love, still a mystery. Each day I fall on my knees. Because your grace still amazes me, yes, your grace still amazes me.”

The choir and orchestra coming together so powerfully parallels my own life; in community, living life with others, I realize all to often how God’s grace amazes me. I realize how we are all given so much grace and so much love. It is truly overwhelming to be reminded that Jesus died not just for me, but for the world. I cannot praise him more. And when I remember my identity and become a doer of the word and not just a hearer, I am blessed.

As I sit here on the floor, folding the laundry that has been sitting here since Monday, and getting ready to do the dishes that have been in the sink for who knows how long, thinking back on my day yesterday that didn’t turn out how I would have liked it to (or lots of expectations I had for life that didn’t turn out, for that matter), I can think back to this song playing on repeat in my heart and stand in wonder once again…HIS GRACE STILL AMAZES ME!

When people have failed me or when I have failed, he is still constant; he is still here. God has protected me, provided for me, lavished me with gifts and goodness and faithfulness and grace. He has given me today, a new day, to bask in his grace and choose to remember what my identity is. My identity is not yesterday and my past and my mistakes; it is today and His grace. Praise God.

Bask in his grace today!

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:26

Navigating motherhood is an interesting thing… 

Jackson one day old…oh boy, I had no clue what I was getting myself into…

There are a billion and one ways to do things:

Exclusively breast feed or formula feed or a combination of both.

Pump once in a blue moon or pump every day….nipple confusion and engorgement and all that other fun stuff.

Stay at home mama or a working mama or stay at home working mama.

Sleep train or cosleep and scheduled naps and random naps.

Cry it out or dont. Ferber or extinction or attachment parenting.

Cloth diapers or disposable. Inserts or prefolds or huggies or honest.

Pureed foods or baby led weaning or gerber jars or solely organic.

Seriously, there’s a book on each of the different facets of parenting…and each way tells you that it is THE way to parent, and if you don’t do it, you are wrong.

We have this mindset that babies are fragile beings (and they are, not saying they aren’t) that will break if we make even close to one mistake. There is quite a weight put on us mommies that if our babies didn’t get the attention they needed as infants that they will be the next young adult to bring a gun into their school because they were left to cry a minute too long…or they will be depressed in their teen years because they didn’t get enough tummy time…or they wont be as successful because they had too much screen time.

When we really think about it, we put this weight on ourselves because society has given us this weight. Think about it: a kid is rude and we think, “who are their parents? They were not raised right?” Or a kid is depressed in their teen years or even adulthood, and we think, “They were not held enough…they weren’t given enough love.”

There is probably some truth to that, sure. If you leave your baby to cry all hours of the day that is called neglect and does have serious consequences for people. A friend of mine told me a story of a young girl who was in the same orphanage in China as the son she adopted. This young baby girl died because of neglect. It’s a real thing; it’s devastating.

But as meaningful adults in a western country with access to all the means in the world, do we really think our choices for our babies as infants will destroy them into adulthood?

As Christians, we need to evaluate this a little further… What does God say about it?

He tells us as parents to:

• Train up a child in the way he should go,” (Proverbs 22:6). 
• Care for our children and protect them (Story of Moses – Exodus 2). 
• Wean our children – so they are to grow up and mature (1 Samuel 1:24, Psalm 131:2, Hebrews 5).
• Discipline our children to live lives following the truth toward wisdom and lives away from folly (Proverbs 22:15).
• Not provoke their children to anger, but to bring them up in discipline and instruction of the Lord,” (Ephesians 6:1-4).
• Etc.

In the stories of Moses, Samson, Isaac, David, and others, they are born to do great things and live out great purposes of God that only he could bring about – and in each of these people’s lives, they were definitely human and struggled with human problems. When you look at the lives of many different children in the Bible, parents are given great responsibility to teach and instruct their children. They are told to model their lives in a way that their children can follow (1 Corinthians 11:1, 2 Timothy 1:13).

Though, when it comes down to it… Children are given the command to obey their parents and to honor them. But, it is their personal choice and their freedom to do so or not.

We can parent perfectly according to every book and every mommy blog and even the Bible, but at the end of the day, they could choose to do it or not.

As women (and men, too), we know this in the core of who we are. I mean, we were those children once upon a time making our own choices despite what our parents told us. You know, that time they told you not to climb on the couch or chair and you did it anyway…and learned it the hard way by falling down and cutting open your face (yeah, a variation of that happened to me).

And, if kids will do things regardless of our “perfect” parenting, don’t you think the outcome isn’t up to us? The outcome is up to God, and our job is only to do the job he has given us well and with all of our hearts. Parent well, and stop putting so much stress into how they are going to turn out and trust God that he will honor that hard work.

But, then there’s a disconnect when we look at someone else and the way they are parenting. When it is different from the way we are parenting, we jump on the chance to judge them. We all have spent hours upon hours reading books and blogs and asking other parents questions and making our own determination of what is right or wrong for our children. And we do it with the best of motives – with love in our hearts for our babies.

So why do we do this? Pride, maybe. I don’t know. Maybe because we have done so much research and put so much energy into figuring out the right answers that we think others should *clearly* be doing something the same way we are. I really don’t know the right answer. And God knows I have been guilty of doing these same things.

I think there are important things that we must teach our children and responsibilities that God has entrusted to us as parents (listed some of those things above). We need to do those things and honor God in them. But everything else, if guided in love and care for our babies, why do we have to judge? Why do we have to think less of our fellow mommy who is battling just like we are to do things the right way so we don’t screw up our children? We are all in the same boat paddling down the same river? Let’s join arms instead of being at odds.

Okay, so we use cloth diapers, but another mommy thinks it’s disgusting. We do baby led weaning, but other moms have pureed excessively. We exclusively breast feed, but others have formula fed from since day one. We have done a stint of cry it out, and other moms do not. We are all different, not to mention each of our babies are different. Yes, I am passionate about those things, but it doesn’t mean what you are passionate about is any better or worse than what I have chosen. Follow God, love your babies, and keep doing the best you are doing. I am proud of you!