‘Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.’ And he divided his property between them. Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. (Luke 15:12-14, ESV)
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My whole life, I have read these verses and thought to myself, “What an idiot! Who would do something like that?”
I learned the answer to those questions. The answer is me.
So often, we go about life judging others and thinking we are better then them because we don’t have the same problems as they do at that time. What we don’t realize is that somewhere in our lives we will probably struggle with those same things.
I used to always think of myself as a good christian girl. Didn’t do much wrong, besides a 2 year rebellious phase in eighth and ninth grade (but really, what young girl hasn’t – sorry if I grouped you into this stereotype 🙂 ). Before and after that phase, I followed God’s standards for me pretty much to a “T”, and I did my best to be a good example to others. While I believe I was following the Lord during that time, I do believe that a lot of that lack of slip-up was the environment I was in.
I hadn’t really had an opportunity to fall. To dig a little deeper, my heart wasn’t necessarily in the right place still. If I had been in a different environment, I probably would have been rebellious during college. Just as in the beginning years of high school, I rebelled because I was hanging out around the wrong crowd.
(Disclaimer: a good environment is crucial to anyone to live a God-honoring life or, if you aren’t a believer, a “healthy” life. I am not trying to discredit that environment is important, but, rather, trying to acknowledge the state of my heart in my past.)
Last night, we had growth groups at church. It was on the parable of “The Prodigal Sons”. Yes, sons – plural.
That was a tough pill (…or parable) to swallow. Elliot explained how both brothers were at fault in this parable and how both brothers needed their father’s love and grace. Both of them.
The one who went about his whole life thinking he had it all together and thought because he worked so hard ,he was priviledged to more (though working for his father was a gift), even he needs to let down his pride and accept the grace of his father. And the one who rebelled and squandered his father’s money and inheritance needed the grace of his father.
My whole life, I was the first brother. Living a “good” life and working hard for God and thinking I deserved heaven, deserved salvation, deserved the things he gave me, and got angry when other christians got things and I didn’t (like a boyfriend or marriage or children to give a few examples).
But now, I realize, I am the rebellious brother who went out and squandered his father’s inheritance.
I lived the last several months of my life running from God acting like he didn’t know what I was doing. I would talk about my quiet times and reading my bible to others like I actually spent time reading…I didn’t. I would listen to sermons, but not one point of application left the page of my notes and changed my life. I would literally not pray purposefully. I was running.
I had been given such a treasure of salvation by Christ’s death and resurrection and grace.
I had been given a treasure that is eternal and doesn’t fade away or perish. Yet, I ran from God because his plans and boundaries that were set up for me were boundaries and plans that weren’t as fun as my plans. They weren’t as good as mine. Mine were better (or so I thought…)!
HA!
Did I have something coming for me, or what?
Four months into this rebellion, I got to the end of my rope. No friends to talk to because I had avoided any serious conversation for months. No scripture to convict me because I was convinced that a rebel like me wasn’t welcome to read scripture. No prayer to convict my heart because I chose to ignore God and avoid prayer.
I isolated myself. (Stupid, Sarah. Really stupid.)
But….the famous 3 letter word in Ephesians 2 says it just right:
“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus” (Ephesians 2:4-7, ESV).
This is it, and this is what the father in that parable was getting at.
God is saying,
“Sarah (humanity), I am so rich in mercy, and I love you with such a great love that even when you were dead in your trespasses, I have given you life. It’s by grace that you are saved, why do you think you can’t read the Bible, the words I have given you, because you have sinned? I have raised you from the dead and I have seated you with my Son, Jesus Christ. I did this so that I could show how great my riches are, how immeasurable they are. I did this by showing you kindness when you did not deserve it.”
Now obviously, Paul, when writing this, did not put the name “Sarah” in the text. And if I was to translate back to the original Greek, it probably doesn’t exactly say how I translated it. But, God’s grace is rich. It’s deep. It isn’t based on conditions and circumstances. He lavished grace on me WHILE I was dead in my trespasses. Not when I started to show interest in church. Or when I decided that I didn’t want to sin any more. Or when I had all my ducks in a row.
All my ducks are not in a row, I still desire to sin, and I don’t always have interest in church, yet his grace runs deep for me.
I am the rebellious son. I squandered the riches that he gave me. Yet, he runs with open arms to scoop me up and bring me to himself by sending His Son to this earth to die on my behalf for a punishment He didn’t commit.
I am so undeserving. How beautiful is that gift.
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To Be Continued… 🙂
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