Author: Sarah E. Cooley

Jesus-follower|Wife|Mama-to-Four|Coffee-lover|Beauty-Seeker|Muffin-Maker|Photo-Taker

His Grace Still Amazes Me…

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Ever have a song that has stuck with you through years of your life? It seems like every time you are walking through a hard time in life God just brings it back into your heart and presses repeat?

Gosh, there is this one song that God just brings back into my life over and over and over again.

~~~ 

In my senior year of high school, I went and heard the University Choir and Orchestra of California Baptist University perform. It was at a church and the experience was unreal. Unlike any choir performance I had ever been apart of. Each note carefully selected and played with such delicacy. The risers swayed back and forth as the choir members swayed to the song and sang with such passion and care – almost like waves at the ocean. The director was passionate and interactive. During the performance, the choir members gathered around the audience and sang an acapella song, and my musical heart just about beat out of its’ chest. I knew I had to be apart of this choir…

They sang a song – I think it was the last song or the encore – that I could sing along to for the rest of my life, never get tired of it. It started out with a beautiful soprano soloist…”My faithful father, enduring friend, your tender mercy’s like a river with no end…” she sang, like an angel.

The tenor came in…”it overwhelms me, covers my sin, each time I come into your presence, I stand in wonder once again.”

Perfectly harmonizing, they sang together, “Your grace still amazes me. Your love is a mystery. Each day, I fall on my knees. Because your grace amazes me. Your grace still amazes me…”

And that chorus, to this day, rings in my ear, in the good times and in the hard times: “Your grace STILL amazes me.” And tears flood my eyes and spill over onto my cheek.

After that choir performance I went to as many performances as I could. One performance, I went up to meet the conductor and tried out to be in that same choir the following year. By his grace, I got to sing and sway with those fellow musicians singing that same song (watch the video here…I’m behind the orchestra so you can’t see me but I’m one of those many voices in the choir).

~~~

As that song echos in my heart, I think, “How can God who has been rejected over and over again still offer me grace? How could God who I have spit on with my actions countless times offer me grace?” It still amazes me.

James 1:22-25 says, “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.”

I read the second verse and I think, how silly! How could someone forget what they look like?! Well, thats the point. God, who gives us the perfect law of liberty, lavishes grace on us. It is now apart of our identity if we have accepted Jesus into our lives to be our Lord and Savior. Yet, so often we live our lives as if that is not who we are, under a different facade, wearing a mask almost. It is like looking into the mirror and forgetting what you look like. Foolishness.

Yet, he is great in mercy and rich in grace!

Later, the choir and orchestra come in full voice and full volume…they sing, “It’s deeper, it’s wider, it’s stronger, it’s higher than anything my eyes can see! Your grace still amazes me! Your love, still a mystery. Each day I fall on my knees. Because your grace still amazes me, yes, your grace still amazes me.”

The choir and orchestra coming together so powerfully parallels my own life; in community, living life with others, I realize all to often how God’s grace amazes me. I realize how we are all given so much grace and so much love. It is truly overwhelming to be reminded that Jesus died not just for me, but for the world. I cannot praise him more. And when I remember my identity and become a doer of the word and not just a hearer, I am blessed.

As I sit here on the floor, folding the laundry that has been sitting here since Monday, and getting ready to do the dishes that have been in the sink for who knows how long, thinking back on my day yesterday that didn’t turn out how I would have liked it to (or lots of expectations I had for life that didn’t turn out, for that matter), I can think back to this song playing on repeat in my heart and stand in wonder once again…HIS GRACE STILL AMAZES ME!

When people have failed me or when I have failed, he is still constant; he is still here. God has protected me, provided for me, lavished me with gifts and goodness and faithfulness and grace. He has given me today, a new day, to bask in his grace and choose to remember what my identity is. My identity is not yesterday and my past and my mistakes; it is today and His grace. Praise God.

Bask in his grace today!

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” – Psalm 73:26

To All The Mamas Out There…

Published on by Sarah E. Cooley1 Comment

Navigating motherhood is an interesting thing… 

Jackson one day old…oh boy, I had no clue what I was getting myself into…

There are a billion and one ways to do things:

Exclusively breast feed or formula feed or a combination of both.

Pump once in a blue moon or pump every day….nipple confusion and engorgement and all that other fun stuff.

Stay at home mama or a working mama or stay at home working mama.

Sleep train or cosleep and scheduled naps and random naps.

Cry it out or dont. Ferber or extinction or attachment parenting.

Cloth diapers or disposable. Inserts or prefolds or huggies or honest.

Pureed foods or baby led weaning or gerber jars or solely organic.

Seriously, there’s a book on each of the different facets of parenting…and each way tells you that it is THE way to parent, and if you don’t do it, you are wrong.

We have this mindset that babies are fragile beings (and they are, not saying they aren’t) that will break if we make even close to one mistake. There is quite a weight put on us mommies that if our babies didn’t get the attention they needed as infants that they will be the next young adult to bring a gun into their school because they were left to cry a minute too long…or they will be depressed in their teen years because they didn’t get enough tummy time…or they wont be as successful because they had too much screen time.

When we really think about it, we put this weight on ourselves because society has given us this weight. Think about it: a kid is rude and we think, “who are their parents? They were not raised right?” Or a kid is depressed in their teen years or even adulthood, and we think, “They were not held enough…they weren’t given enough love.”

There is probably some truth to that, sure. If you leave your baby to cry all hours of the day that is called neglect and does have serious consequences for people. A friend of mine told me a story of a young girl who was in the same orphanage in China as the son she adopted. This young baby girl died because of neglect. It’s a real thing; it’s devastating.

But as meaningful adults in a western country with access to all the means in the world, do we really think our choices for our babies as infants will destroy them into adulthood?

As Christians, we need to evaluate this a little further… What does God say about it?

He tells us as parents to:

  • Train up a child in the way he should go,” (Proverbs 22:6). 
  • Care for our children and protect them (Story of Moses – Exodus 2). 
  • Wean our children – so they are to grow up and mature (1 Samuel 1:24, Psalm 131:2, Hebrews 5).
  • Discipline our children to live lives following the truth toward wisdom and lives away from folly (Proverbs 22:15).
  • Not provoke their children to anger, but to bring them up in discipline and instruction of the Lord,” (Ephesians 6:1-4).
  • Etc.

In the stories of Moses, Samson, Isaac, David, and others, they are born to do great things and live out great purposes of God that only he could bring about – and in each of these people’s lives, they were definitely human and struggled with human problems. When you look at the lives of many different children in the Bible, parents are given great responsibility to teach and instruct their children. They are told to model their lives in a way that their children can follow (1 Corinthians 11:1, 2 Timothy 1:13).

Though, when it comes down to it… Children are given the command to obey their parents and to honor them. But, it is their personal choice and their freedom to do so or not.

We can parent perfectly according to every book and every mommy blog and even the Bible, but at the end of the day, they could choose to do it or not.

As women (and men, too), we know this in the core of who we are. I mean, we were those children once upon a time making our own choices despite what our parents told us. You know, that time they told you not to climb on the couch or chair and you did it anyway…and learned it the hard way by falling down and cutting open your face (yeah, a variation of that happened to me).

And, if kids will do things regardless of our “perfect” parenting, don’t you think the outcome isn’t up to us? The outcome is up to God, and our job is only to do the job he has given us well and with all of our hearts. Parent well, and stop putting so much stress into how they are going to turn out and trust God that he will honor that hard work.

But, then there’s a disconnect when we look at someone else and the way they are parenting. When it is different from the way we are parenting, we jump on the chance to judge them. We all have spent hours upon hours reading books and blogs and asking other parents questions and making our own determination of what is right or wrong for our children. And we do it with the best of motives – with love in our hearts for our babies.

So why do we do this? Pride, maybe. I don’t know. Maybe because we have done so much research and put so much energy into figuring out the right answers that we think others should *clearly* be doing something the same way we are. I really don’t know the right answer. And God knows I have been guilty of doing these same things.

I think there are important things that we must teach our children and responsibilities that God has entrusted to us as parents (listed some of those things above). We need to do those things and honor God in them. But everything else, if guided in love and care for our babies, why do we have to judge? Why do we have to think less of our fellow mommy who is battling just like we are to do things the right way so we don’t screw up our children? We are all in the same boat paddling down the same river? Let’s join arms instead of being at odds.

Okay, so we use cloth diapers, but another mommy thinks it’s disgusting. We do baby led weaning, but other moms have pureed excessively. We exclusively breast feed, but others have formula fed from since day one. We have done a stint of cry it out, and other moms do not. We are all different, not to mention each of our babies are different. Yes, I am passionate about those things, but it doesn’t mean what you are passionate about is any better or worse than what I have chosen. Follow God, love your babies, and keep doing the best you are doing. I am proud of you!

Unintended Tribute to My Parents….

Published on by Sarah E. CooleyLeave a comment

(I’d like to preface this post: in no way am I judging or looking down upon any parents who didn’t do this or aren’t doing this…or saying my parents were perfect…It is by the grace of God I and my siblings are who we are… 1 Corinthians 15:1)

If you ask any person what they think they want their child to be like, they would never say: “indulgent,” “entitled,” “selfish,” “rude,” etc.

As a person without a child, you have this dreamy view of what your children are going to be like. My child will be: kind, nice, gentle, respectful, loving, giving, selfless, etc. They wont be rude or selfish – they wont be entitled like so many other kids running around these days.

I write this after watching a youtube video of a young adult who verbally and physically assaulted a manager of a store after he came in drunk demanding service…actually demanding mac n’ cheese. So crazy! This kid was arrested…it wasn’t his first incident with the law. He had two other incidences at a different college doing something similar. It grieved my heart because that is not uncommon these days.

~~~

I used to work at a University in the Residence Life department as a receptionist, and it would blow me away the type of kids and parents that would walk through the doors or call our office.

Calls almost always went something like this…

Parent: “My child doesn’t like their roommate; they NEED another one. You must move them.” 

Not only was it shocking that they demanded a change for their child thinking that all they needed to do was snap our fingers and something would change, but it was shocking that they called our office at all and their child who is an adult going to a university wasn’t the one calling and taking responsibility.

Call mommy and daddy and everything will be alright. They will make it better. They will demand for a change.

Most of the time, we would have to tell the parents that their children must call back and request this. Or that their children must talk to their Resident Assistant or Resident Director first.

I was also a resident assistant. What an interesting job that was…I literally had a resident PEE in front of my door. LITERALLY…pull their pants down and PEE…on the carpeted ground…what?!?! Honestly, I couldn’t believe it. After I was in shock for a second, I cried. Sobbed, actually. How could someone be that rude, that hurtful intentionally.

~~~

Having a kid myself, I think back on the stories I have from working in Residence Life. What was the difference in those kids lives versus my own. What did my parents do that was different from others parents. My parents weren’t perfect – they would be the first to admit that – but they did do something different. And not every child who is raised the way my parents raised us will turn out well…God knows, they raised me well, and I still chose rebellion at points in my life.

Here’s some things I think they did right:

1) They prayed with us…often. Every night, my parents prayed with us. It was either my mom or my dad. I still can remember my moms prayer that she would pray every night. I even find myself praying it over Jackson before I put him into bed. That wasn’t the only time we prayed. We prayed before meals, prayed before tests or school, prayed when we were upset or after we got disciplined. Prayer was a HUGE part of our lives. Specifically in regards to prayer and my life, being one of THE MOST stubborn kids in the world, my parents prayed that I would use my stubbornness for good and not evil. Thank God they did. I couldn’t imagine the places my stubbornness would take me if I didn’t know God and follow him.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything with prayer and suplication, with thanksgiving…” Philippians 4:6-10

2) They lived out their faith. James 2:14-26 talks about the concept that faith without deeds is dead. My parents were people of integrity, character, and love. I remember a story of my dad and I going to bakers off of University when it used to be there… we were walking into the restaurant and there was a homeless man sitting down on a little patch of grass. My dad offered to buy the guy a burrito. If I remember correctly, the man declined. I couldn’t believe it. But my dad nonetheless offered time and time again. We didn’t have a lot of money, but he knew we had it better than they and the least we could do is to offer. There’s stories like this from my mom as well. Time and time again, they lived out the qualities of a Christ follower so we could see them.

“What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him?” James 2:14

3) They were not afraid to discipline us and discipline us well. As I think back to my days in Residence Life, one of the qualities I think that is lacking in parenting today is discipline. Parents do not let their children feel the affects of wrongdoing. Your kid is mean to his classmates and they don’t get invited to birthday parties or play dates…well, thats the other kids fault, not mine. Or, your kid doesn’t like a classmate (for no real reason except they don’t like them) so they talk to the teacher to get them to move their kid… What parents often think is that their kid shouldn’t have to feel discomfort or pain. “I can’t spank my kid or they will be messed up psychologically for the rest of their lives,” they think. I would beg to differ. Spanking or punishment when done in the appropriate times and in the appropriate manner can yield great fruit and make the biggest difference in a child. Positively reinforcing a child who is rebellious will only cause him/her to become more rebellious. Punishment and discipline is good when used appropriately.

This is even the case with the parenting of infants. Cry it out is deemed child abuse by many because letting your kid cry for three nights (in small pockets of time and supervised) in order to get them trained to sleep through the night is better than a year full of crying and no sleep (every two hours at night…and throughout the day while fighting naps…also side note: I find that my kid cries less because we have gone through the sleep training and a short cry it out stint because when it’s time to go down, he goes down vs. crying all day because he is over-tired…Hello run-on sentence!!). Controlled discipline and controlled pain is good when its outcome is goodness and love. Injuring your child (whether physically or emotionally) is a different story. Discipline rooted in love is good and brings glory to God. Don’t mishear me on this…I am in no way condoning neglect or abuse. I am condoning controlled, intentional discipline and training for the betterment of the child.

“For the moment, all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:11

4) They shielded us from the evil and horrors of this world. This can seem counter to point 3, but it is quite different. Children are innocent. They come into this world not understanding evil or pain. They don’t understand that bad people exist and that there are people who do things to hurt others. I think this is so beautiful. To see the world through the eyes of a child is a beautiful thing. They see things through such fresh eyes. They have so much faith in people and think good of people. My parents chose to shield us from certain evil things. We were not allowed to watch certain movies or listen to certain music. To this day, there is songs from the 90s that I don’t even know that many of my peers know. My peers will be singing along, and it is my first time hearing the song. The show ‘Friends’ was a show that many of my peers grew up watching, but I didn’t watch my first episode until college (I love the show now, by the way).

My parents recognized the beauty in this innocence, and it has made a huge difference in my life. I value things that are good and pure. I love listening to music that is free of cuss words and sexual references. I love watching movies that are filled with uplifting stories and kind-hearted plot. And I think this flows into my character. I know I am not perfect. I know I can be very selfish. But, the more and more I fill my mind and heart with things that are good and from the Lord (Philippians 4), and the more and more I put away things that are evil, the more peace I find. This doesn’t mean I am ignorant of the evil of this world; my parents made sure we knew not to go with strangers and that there was sickness and death and sin. But they did it in an age appropriate manner.

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:8-9)

(Crazy piece of info and I wish I could remember where I heard this…a movie was shown to people in a rural village where TVs weren’t available. They showed a scene of someone being shot and murdered and the people watching actually threw up. We have become so numb to death and murder and gun shots because it has been engrained into our culture through movies and media. Just some food for thought… [if anyone knows where that information came from, please share!])

5) They were involved in our lives and our friendships. I would say I had the cool parents growing up (they would be happy to hear that, I’m sure). People liked coming to our house, and they liked my parents. We would have sleepovers and hangouts and my parents were always present. Yes, they would somewhat keep their distance, but they were always engaging us about our friends and interested in ours and their lives. They also came to our games and rooted us on. They were at our choir and play performances. They were heavily involved and invested. They not only invested time, but money into our skills. My brother took pitching lessons and catching lessons in baseball. He was in little league and in theater. I took voice lessons. My sister and I took piano lessons. We all were in things that cost money. Each activity also costed time. Precious time. We knew our parents were on our side, in our corner. But we also knew that they valued hard work. If they were going to invest money and time into these activities, we better practice and do well. And we did and do.

“And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.’ (Colossians 3:14-17)

6) Most of all, they cared about our faith in God. There was not a moment of our lives that this was not on the forefront of our lives. It affected every decision that they made regarding our future from where we went to school to which friends we spent the most time with. My parents sacrificed a lot to put us through Christian School. Now, this isn’t the only and best option necessarily for a kid, but it was the best option for us. We had Bible class daily from the time we were 5 until we graduated college. It was a SACRIFICE because it cost money – money that was not always in surplus. 😉 The other decision it affected was the church we attended. My parents had been going to a church they LOVED for years. We drove 45 minutes to be at this church. It was a huge part of their lives. But, once we became old enough to be apart of youth groups and hang outs, 45 minutes was just too far. My parents sacrificed their comfort at the church they loved to make sure we were at a church that provided a place for us to grow and learn about God close to home. Because of this sacrifice, each of me and my siblings grew to know and love the Lord.

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

~~~

I know these things are not always popular or easy. My mom sacrificed a career in a specific field so she could be present in our lives. She got a job at our school and a church so she could work the hours we were in school so she could be present for games and the times we weren’t in school. They sacrificed nice cars and new clothes and lots of things so that we could go to a private school and participate in all the activities we were apart of. They sacrificed their comfort time and time again when it came to disciplining us and even choosing to leave the community that they loved so much so that us kids could grow in our faith and know Jesus.

I didn’t initially intend for this post to be a tribute to my parents, but when I look at their lives and what they did to ensure we knew Jesus and grew up living out our faith in love and with character, I am astounded. They didn’t do everything right, no…I could probably make a list of what-not-to-do, but who couldn’t make a list like that when you are so close to someone. But, their lives stand out to me. And I am grateful. And by the grace of God, I pray that Eric and I can be parents like that to Jackson one day. Raise him with a knowledge of who Jesus truly is and why he had to come, die on the cross, and rise again. Raise him with love in his heart for others and the world. Raise him with loving discipline and pain within a controlled, loving setting.

~~~

Jesus,

Please show grace to Eric and me so that Jackson (and Lordwilling, his siblings) grow to know you. Grow up to be a man of character and love. Grow up to care for the people of this world and to not be stained by the evil things of this world. Please guide us in discipline and guide us in our decisions in how to raise him.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen

Peets Coffee, the Ocean, and God…

Published on by Sarah E. CooleyLeave a comment

Some days, I just go and sit by the ocean. Just me (and Jackson, but he’s usually sleeping in the back seat).

I pull up along PCH, keep the A/C running, and listen to the man on the Bible app read to me the Bible. It is refreshing. It restores my soul.

A few years ago, I would leave work and race to get down to the beach for the sunset. I remember sitting there after a long day and just breathing in the salt air – breath in…breath out… breath in… breath out… peace.

Recently, I have been driving down after I have gotten my Peet’s coffee (the way to my heart) and after Jackson has fallen asleep on the drive down to the beach.

Today was one of those days. I was craving the ocean….craving that time with God.

I sat, listened to my bible, drank my coffee, and peered out at the vast ocean and remembered once again how small I am and how great my God is. My problems are only so small and so fleeting.

Today, I was listening to 1 Samuel 8 where Israel begs Samuel for a (human) king (verses having God rule as king over them). Samuel is quite disappointed because his two sons have turned away from the Lord, and as 1 Samuel 8:3 says, “[they] did not walk in his ways but turned aside after gain. They took bribes and perverted justice.”

As a mother, if Jackson had done that I would be crushed. Imagine living your life following after God to only have your sons not walk with God and to even go so far as to accept bribes and pervert justice…that would be devastating. And then to top it off, the nation that God has appointed you (HA, so glad I don’t actually have a nation to judge) to judge decides they want an imperfect person to be king over them because they think (the perfect, almighty) God isn’t doing a good enough job – basically not doing what they want when they want it done.

I was listening to that thinking how many times the people around me have done things that disappoint me. I tend to have expectations for people that are pretty grand. I don’t expect perfection, but pretty darn close. When people do wrong, I take it personally because I have such high hopes for them. I want the best for them.

Today as I was listening, God was teaching me something as he taught Samuel thousands of years ago. He says, “Obey the voice of the people in all that they say to you, for they have not rejected you, but they have rejected me from being king over them,” (1 Samuel 8:7 ESV). As Samuel took their rejection personally, I have taken rejection personally. But God says something different. When people fail, it is not against us, it is against Him. I have followed God and trusted in Him, and when things go wrong, if I am truly following God, it is not against me, it is against God.

I think that is why in Ephesians, Paul tells us as women to ‘submit to your own husbands, AS TO THE LORD,’ (Ephesians 5:22-23 ESV) and to ‘[submit] to one another out of reverence for Christ,” (Ephesians 5:21 ESV). Samuel was submitting to the Lord as he was leading the Israelites. The Israelites rejected God and turned away from him (SO. MANY. TIMES). But God reminded Samuel that it was his job to follow God and instruct the people; it was the people’s job and choice whether they were going to follow God or not.

I think this is true in our own lives as well. We follow God and want the people around us to follow God. We put expectations on the people who we are walking through life with. I’m following God so they should too. Or, I am following God so they shouldn’t hurt me. God reminds us, no, we follow God solely to please him, not to dictate how our world, or the people in our world, will turn out. Don’t take rejection personally. Don’t take pain and hurt from others personally.

Israel ended up getting the human king they asked for. They also got all of the consequences that came along with it as God tells them they will get. Taxes, corruption, pain, etc… People around us will choose things that we don’t always like or they will choose not to follow God, they will hurt us, and we will experience pain because of the choices they have made. But, if we are following God, he will reward us for that in His time. It may not be until we see him face-to-face after we leave this earth, but regardless, we will get our reward.

So, I suppose, as I was sitting in my car at the beach this morning, peering out at the ocean sipping my coffee, God was teaching me, it will be okay. Pain is temporary; Following God is eternal. The problems we face in this world and the hurt done to us is so small compared to eternity with him.

And, as the corny Christian radio DJ reminded me this morning: “take heart, [he has] overcome the world,” (John 16:33, ESV).

#shoutlife

Published on by Sarah E. CooleyLeave a comment

Humanity is so interesting to me. People can utterly disagree on a subject and believe it with their whole heart, usually with no thread of doubt on either side. Politically, as of late, this has been on the forefront of our media because we are gearing up for the next presidency in the United States. Political parties are deciding which candidates will best represent their party. There have been debates and interviews, rallies and meet-n-greets. Each candidate certain they are the best person for the job. Each person with a backing of tens of thousands of people.

When you talk to someone who is rallying behind a candidate, they usually are very passionate. They have a certain standard of beliefs which make them so passionate and that make them stand behind that candidate.

I think I would fall under the passionate category in some sense. I am a woman so I am passionate about rights for women and making sure we don’t get trampled on or degraded. I am a mother so I am passionate about child labor laws and an advocate for education. I am a Christian so I am passionate about freedom of religion – freedom to practice my faith in Jesus and freedom to share the faith I have with others. I am a writer so I am passionate about the freedom of speech and the freedom I have to express my beliefs without restrictions.

Since I was a child, I can remember practicing my passions in a silly way. We would drive around in the car, and I would see the stickers with the boy peeing on different things – “Ford” for some reason pops in my head. I thought this idea was disgusting and indecent. So as a child, I would sit in the back seat and take down license plate numbers and car type of those who had that icky sticker in the back of their car. It’s silly looking back at that because writing down those numbers and letters did little to change anything, but it shows how determined I was to make things right and to make change.

Today, I realized just how passionate I am for one of the things God has placed on my heart. Fighting to abolish abortion is something I have always wanted. I have always fought for it. But recently, after having a child of my own, this passion is something that never leaves my heart.

A hashtag that is trending recently is heartbreaking: #shoutyourabortion. This hashtag is in support of abortion and an attempt to normalize it. This action has been taken on many other life-killing things in our culture recently. Songs have been written, pictures on facebook have been changed, hashtags created all to normalize something that is supposed to bring shame. Really, this is not a new phenomenon. When Jesus was beaten and killed, those who were condemning him to death convinced everyone to mock him by shouting “king of the Jews.” They mocked him in an attempt to convince the world that he deserved this death because this king of the Jews and Son of God “couldn’t” command himself and his angels to take him off of the tree he hung on or to stop the men from beating his back. They didn’t know that who they were actually sentencing to death was God himself. Nor did they realize that they would be one day facing the ultimate Judge.

This hashtag comes after the House of Representatives has passed a bill to defund planned parenthood. This is coming from those who claim that defunding planned parenthood is stripping women of their rights and attempting to lower women in the totem pole.

This is where my passions come in… I was literally brought to tears when a series of videos came out revealing the truth of what this organization does. When watching the videos, you see that they are edited and cut to be pieced together into a shorter version of the original video. They are created to evoke emotion. But, the video itself is not what creates and evokes the emotion; It is the content. If that content was given in the entirety of the conversation, it would still evoke emotion to anyone listening. If I was sitting in those restaurants listening to those conversations, I would have said something to those executives and doctors at planned parenthood. I would not be able to sit still or keep silent. And today, I am unable to sit still and keep silent…

I’ve had people, friends and family, tell me that of course the woman doesn’t feel happy about the abortion and that pro-choicers aren’t okay with abortion, but they would rather have “safe” abortions than abortions done unsafely or in the blackmarket. But this latest hashtag shows just how untrue that really is…

To listen to people flaunting their abortions like the latest designer bag or newest trending hairstyle is abhorrent to me. They share with excitement and thrill. They show no regret or shame. In fact, they show their motives to do it: selfishness and self-gain. Here are some examples from twitter users:

“My abortion was in ’10 & the career I’ve built since then fulfills me & makes me better able to care for kids I have now. #shoutyourabortion” -@thelindywest

“I’ve had 2 abortions. I don’t have to justify or explain them to anybody. My life is more valuable than a potential life. #shoutyourabortion” – @clementine_ford

“Had an abortion procedure done at age 22 because I was WAY too young to parent. Have never, ever regretted it. #shoutyourabortion” – @maryemilyohara

I think when it comes down to it, we will manipulate anything to work it around our comfort and ultimate desires. I have done this so many times in my life. I remember convincing myself that a pattern in someones life was not what it was because I wanted to be apart of the “cool crowd.” I ended up in very unhealthy relationships with people who were toxic doing things that were against every bit of who I claimed to be as a Christ follower.

I am convinced that this is what these people must be thinking because I simply cannot wrap my mind around it. They want to have sex so bad that they will go to all extremes to do it – (no need to sugar coat it) even murdering a baby. They want their lives to stay easy and fun and sometimes reckless instead of taking responsibility for their decisions, so, in order to avoid them, they choose murder. They are afraid that people will judge them (or their family is fearful of judgement) so instead of keeping the baby or going through with the pregnancy and putting the baby up for adoption even, they murder the baby instead. It really is very similar to the choices I have made previously in my life with friendships or lifestyle choices. I was not the perfect angel I sometimes try to convince people of – I have chosen things that were judgement-worthy. I have chosen hate instead of love which Jesus says is as bad as murder. I am no better than these women, but I have been made new and forgiven. And I am not content with my past and want to forge a new future because of what Jesus has done for me on the cross.

I don’t want to live in a world where #shoutyourabortion is the norm, where shouting murder is the norm. I don’t want to justify and praise what is wrong. I want to move closer and closer to looking and living like Jesus did. Loving others and fighting for justice. I want to #shoutlife and #shoutadoption (Thanks Ashley Hasemeyer for the awesome idea). As Jesus did, I want to fight for women’s rights…but I also want to fight for the rights of unborn babies who have every right to live to meet their potential in life. The unborn babies who have every right to live even if their mother and father were younger than what is preferred or easy (and lets be honest, having a baby, no matter the age, is ever easy). The unborn baby who doesn’t care if you have a successful career. Whatever the reason, they have a right to life.

#shoutlife

Sweet baby Jackson – #shoutlife

First steps as…

Published on by Sarah E. CooleyLeave a comment
Did someone speed up time? I had this expectation that I would have a infant baby forever, but he is seriously growing up so fast. I can’t take it…

As a mother, God has entrusted you with these sweet babies to teach and to watch grow and learn. The key word in that statement is that they are ‘entrusted’ to us. They are our responsibility for a time, but they are born to be raised to become adults responsible for themselves.

A few days ago, Jackson began standing, holding onto the edge of his exersaucer. The first time he stood there unassisted, I about cried. I couldn’t believe my eyes. The baby who needed me for everything is now becoming independent one small step at a time. Speaking of steps, he has started holding our hands and walking.

I was taking care of some routine maintenance on our car and was hanging out in the waiting room of the service department. I was trying to keep my wiggle-worm entertained while we were waiting, so I was helping him walk around the room. There was an elderly couple sitting in a room separated by glass. He walked toward them (with my help, of course) and put both of his hands on the mirror and just started laughing and knocking on the window. They looked down at him and smiled and laughed and interacted with him. It was one of the sweetest moments ever! Seeing him bring such life to the couple who was entering the end of their life. Such a contrast: Jackson, just entering this world; this couple, in the middle of the “evil days” as the Bible calls it. Beautiful reminder for this mother in the middle of the busiest years of her life. Beautiful reminder that this life is short and our impact is for a short time.

Before long, he is going to be taking his first steps without my help, his first steps into his first day of school, his first steps into his first job, his first steps into college, his first steps as a married man. Life is a gift. Each day, every breath gifted to us.

As a mother of a young baby, it is easy to get distracted by the little things: teething baby (See: “How to Survive Teething”), dirty diaper after dirty diaper, nursing sessions, play time, laundry, dishes, etc.

All good things. All necessary things. Our life would be horrible if I never cleaned dirty diapers. Jackson would not be my little buddha baby if I didn’t nurse or feed him. You get the idea…important things.

But, what is the most important thing to remember? Ecclesiastes 12:1 and 7 says it best:

“Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near of which you will say, ‘I have no pleasure in them’…and the dust returns to the earth as it was, and the spirit returns to God who gave it. Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher; all is vanity,” (ESV).

The greatest thing I could do for my baby today while time is quickly escaping me is to remember my Creator (in my days of my [fleeting] youth). Everything else is vanity compared to remembering my Creator because my days are numbered. Jackson’s days are numbered. My husband’s days are numbered. Your days are numbered. All of our days are numbered.

We are all just marching on toward our impending death. Pretty morbid if you think too much about it, but it is one of the only certain things in life: death….(and taxes, right? ;))

So, when I am young, I can remember my creator by spending time in his Word daily. It is one of the simplest ways to remember Him. Yet, how often do I choose to browse facebook or instagram instead of reading the Word…vanity. How often do I choose to sleep the extra 10 minutes, 15 minutes instead of reading the Word…pretty vain. I neglect the Word so, so often. It’s almost a joke how often I neglect God in one of the simplest ways that he has given us.

When I am young, another way I can remember my creator by investing my time in my church. Now, this is one area that I love to invest in. I love and have always loved people. I love spending time with people and will make any excuse to spend time with them…in fact, I probably, at times, overcommit to this. (this summer I read “The Best Yes” by Lysa Terkeurst, and it was life-changing for me in saying “no” to the good, small things, and “yes” to the great things). But, if you are not on the extreme extrovert side of the extrovert-introvert scale, then you might have to be more intentional in this. Join a bible study, home group, or growth group. Serve/volunteer your time to a ministry that the church has that fits your skill set and fills a need that they may have. Maybe, you simply need to just go. Maybe you go, but sporadically. Commit and make it a non-negotiable in your life. Church, in my experience, is a vanity crusher. And, in my experience, it is such a beautiful way to remember God through teaching, worship, and service.

And, let me tell you, when the hard times come – and they will come – this church, this community, will lead you back to God and will constantly help you to remember God. They will help you remember God when the days are evil. Church is irreplaceable and invaluable.

When I am young, another way I can remember God is through prayer. When we pray, what we are doing is humbling ourselves and remembering that God is BIG, and we are small – simply put, ridding ourselves of vanity. He is the one who controls everything, not us. He has power over everything, not us. He directs everything, not us. He controls time, not us.

Prayer takes the focus off of us and onto Him. When we pray, we are giving Him the reigns and telling Him that He is Lord of our lives. It is when we pray that we are redirected from our selfish, self-centered hearts, to his will and what he would have us to do. Prayer reminds us that our days are fleeting like the grass and flowers.

“The grass withers, the flowers fade, but the word of our God will stand forever,” (Isaiah 40:8 ESV).

Which leads to the way I love to pray. One of my favorite ways to pray is by reading through his Word and praying the prayers and letters that those much wiser than I have prayed and have written. Reading through Psalms and Proverbs and the gospels and praying those things over our lives and the lives of those around us ensures that our prayers are in line with his will and his Word, the Word that will stand forever.

So, how can you remember God today and rid yourself of vanity? It’s tough, but worth it!

~~~

“As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more. But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children’s children, to those who keep his covenant and remember to do his commandments. The LORD has established his throne in the heavens, and his kingdom rules over all,” (Psalm 103:13-19 ESV).

Orchestra of Opinions

Published on by Sarah E. CooleyLeave a comment

Can I be honest here?

This topic feels daunting to me. I have shared and shared and shared…prayed and prayed and prayed… and it still feels like a mountain too steep for me to climb.

This topic is one that is controversial. People on either side have STRONG opinions that are immovable.

It is one that has effected people from 80 and 90 years old to those who are just a wee speck in their mother’s eye.

Yet, here I go, beating on that drum still hoping to make some difference, a beautiful noise, in this orchestra of opinions.

Life. It matters. So much. That baby still in their mother’s womb. That baby born just two seconds ago. That baby born 6 months ago. That person born 86 years ago. Each one, each soul, conceived into this world and walking through a life that was not necessarily one they chose.

Sin has tarnished this life with grief, hurt, pain, sadness, terror, sickness. Each person in this world will experience one of those things, but most likely multiple of those things in their lifetime. No one is free from the pain of this sin-stricken world. The soul who is still in their mother’s womb, to the soul who is 86 years old. Each of us, feeling the pain. Each of us, trying our best to manage and cope with what life is all about.

I can see where those on the opposite side of the spectrum are coming from and I know they don’t have ill-intentions. They don’t think abortion is “good,” per se, but they say it is a necessary evil. They want women, who have been treated as “less than” for so long, to be treated with “equality.” Good endeavors and great intentions. They look at the rate of children born into this world to families that are subpar. They see the rate of children born into this world without families at all – motherless and fatherless. They see the rate of children brought into this world where the mother has to deal with the pain and scars of rape. They are told their baby will be born with a birth defect or with a disability. Where is the fairness in bringing a child into the world with those odds against them? These things are a reality in this world, so I get it. I get that you want to fight against them; I do.

To be honest, it pains me that that is the reality of this world. I want to fight against them. But, it has been that way since Adam and Eve decided to rebel against God. It is a painful reality (but, thankfully, not one without hope).

I think, in the world’s venture to rectify the wrong they see, they end up choosing another wrong choice. In the process of “saving” those children from a life condemned to poverty, pain, sickness, terror, and hurt, they end up condemning those sweet children to death.

Each one not even given the chance to redeem their own story. I have countless friends who have been adopted and have rewritten the story that was supposed to be written for them. Friends who have families. Friends who now have stable jobs and houses and cars and things. They weren’t even supposed to graduate high school because they grew up in the foster system. Yet, in the world’s standard, they are making it. I would say they are even thriving.

And to take it even farther beyond just the world’s standard, in God’s standard they are “making it.” They love Jesus. They are following him and walking alongside of Him. Their life is producing fruit.

But, but, but…they were born and are in foster care waiting to be adopted. But, but, but…they were born into a family with only the mother. But, but, but…they were born into a family with teen parents.

Why do these things matter? Why are you condemned to death because your parents don’t want you? Why are you condemned to death because of your parent’s choices? Why are you condemned to death because of the sin of another?

Asking these questions, I am reminded of someone else who was in a similar situation to these sweet children. He had teen parents who were not yet married when he was in his mother’s womb. Though his parent’s did not sin, they were looked on by the community with disdain. If it was current day and if fear or shame got the best of them, they could have chosen to make the same decision that many parents in this world make – to take their child’s life in the womb.

Jesus came into this world birthed by a teen mother. She was betrothed to Joseph, but they weren’t married. To those in her family and community, and even to Joseph at one point, she was seen as an outcast and untrustworthy and deceitful. Once the baby was born, the ruler of the time wanted to kill her baby (crazy environment to be born into). But, she carried on because she had purpose and conviction. She knew, as a woman, what her responsibilities were; she was entrusted this baby. And she knew that if she did the right thing and followed the Lord that it would have an outcome much bigger than herself.

And it did. The baby she bore went on to be the savior of the world. He was born so that the world could be saved. He was born so that he would die a criminals death though he was without guilt.

That is the crux of the whole issue here. When we decide to play God and take life and death into our own hands, we rob the world of the chance that that sweet soul has to make an impact on this world. There will not be another baby Jesus (and thank God that “it is finished!”), but each person, because they are created by God, has a right to a chance at life.

Who are we to decide that their situation is not “good?” If Mary had made that choice, we would be in a completely different place than we are now, wouldn’t we?

What blessed hope we have, because even when we make the decision to choose what God does not want, he still has forgiveness, grace, mercy, and love for us!

Daily we rebel against his wishes, yet he welcomes us and adopts us as his own. That’s the beauty of the gospel message – we have hope! Those sweet babies born into horrible situations have hope. That teen mom in the crisis pregnancy has hope. That sweet woman who was brutalized and terrorized now with a young baby in her womb has hope. Jesus does not discriminate against the type of sin we have. In fact, because we are sinners we are qualified now to receive his grace and mercy.

So, that daunting, steep mountain that seems impossible to summit…well…it isn’t impossible with God. He has overcome death, and that powerful Jesus that overcame death now lives in us.

I choose life. Regardless of the world’s standards. Regardless of the worlds attempts at fixing and rectifying. I choose not to try to make something right by doing another wrong. Join me, will you, in this fight for hope to win, in this fight for love to win?

I want to make a beautiful noise while on this earth, and I wont settle for mediocre or subpar. I want to be excellent. I want to please the One who created me, not this world.

How to Survive Teething…

Published on by Sarah E. CooleyLeave a comment

[Sidenote: I am not complaining; I am simply making light of this current phase of my life…]

~~~
Okay, cruel to take a picture of your crying baby, I know. But I was trying to get a shot of his teeth coming in. This is an old picture, they are officially in and sharper than puppy teeth.

The pterodactyl has found his way back into the Cooley household once again. While I thought this stage in my son’s life was long gone, it has returned…in full force.

My son is a babywise baby (“On Becoming Babywise” by Gary Ezzo – look it up. It was life-changing for us!) – which means I let him CIO (Cry It Out for those who aren’t familiar with the borderline-controversial method in the current “Attachment Parenting” era). It also means I have an excellent napper, a smiley baby 99.9999% of the time, and he sleeps through the night (mostly) at 2.5-3 months old.

Okay, so anyways, back to the reason I mentioned babywise. He is such a happy, content baby – which is characteristic of most babies who follow this method (babywise).

Pterodactyl baby was pre-babywise.

I thought I would never have to deal with this side of him again. In fact, the sound of this baby dino brings anxiety to me…my shoulders tense up…my heart starts beating quickly…I clinch my jaw… No bueno.

So post-babywise, I love my happy, smiley, laughy, predictable baby.

Until, teething.

I still love my baby, but I don’t like the pterodactyl cries that are now 7 billion times louder than when he was a newborn. I now have permanently tense shoulders, my heart is beating on overdrive, and my jaw aches.

So, how have I survived this? I have a few techniques:

One)

Post on facebook “teething is no joke…[insert baby name] and I are both crying” and wait for every single mother on facebook to offer her advice – it is awesome! I didn’t have to google a thing.

Seriously, look:

Seriously, I love how much mom’s come together and help each other out…what would I do without y’all. 

Two) 

Texts to husband for sympathy… This text reminded him that I didn’t have time for my normal responsibilities like dishes, laundry, or even showering…and a plus, I protested making dinner and so he brought home In n’ Out.

Three) 
Go places where other people will hold your baby and think his crying is cute i.e. church, moms groups with older moms without babies, grandma and grandpa’s house, invite grandma and grandpa over, aunts and uncle’s houses, friend’s house’s without babies, the grocery store (kidding…sorta), etc. etc. etc.
I can’t tell you how many times people have saved the day by holding my son. I show up flustered with my hair disheveled and my makeup smeared by the tears, and these ladies (and sometimes men) know the look in my eyes. Take the baby before I lose it completely. I love my church! If you are interested in joining, I’d be glad to accompany you on a Sunday or to our mom’s group.
Four) 
I’m not much of a drinker…of alcohol, but coffee….. 
Coffee, coffee, coffee… more specifically, Peets Coffee. There isn’t one close to my house. The closest is really 15 minutes away without traffic. But, on hard days where the pterodactyl will not calm down, we take a drive to my good friend Peet’s and grab a cup of joe. And on really bad days, I spill it everywhere and my husband offers to give me his. That’s love. 
(and apparently, I spill coffee often and am a klutz 😉 )
Five)
Cry. Ugly Cry. Sob. Tear up. “I’ve got something in my eye.” Laugh-cry (Bachelor watchers? anyone…Ashley I? Anyone…anyone?…okay, only me). However you want to put it, just cry. 
It really does help. Well, it doesn’t help your teething, crying baby, but it does help you. 
It’s amazing how when I am done crying, I go from thinking the world is going to end to feeling like I can tackle whatever comes my way. Teething, no problem… Diaper blow out, I got this (P.S. happened this morning…on my favorite sweatshirt…insert crying emoji here…see, crying helps)… 
Six)
Target. I was gonna add it to number three, but it deserves its own category. 
I have been to target 5 times in the last 3 weeks. I try to avoid target at all possible because…Hello…$100 exit fee… But, there’s something relaxing about walking around and looking at things you can’t buy (and some you can, and many I do) while other moms walk around with toddlers and kids who are throwing tantrums while your kid is crying because he’s teething. I know, one day my kid is going to be the tantrum throwing kid (hopefully not, but probably because I wrote about it and totally judged them…can you say jinxed?). For now, there is a valid reason behind the pterodactyl crying.
Seven)
And, finally, at the end of the day, remember that one day, they are going to lose all the teeth they worked so hard to get. And then one day, because your son is an avid thumb sucker, he will need braces as everyone so kindly reminds me of. Soon, you’ll get to be the tooth fairy and reward him for all that hard work.
Your journey with teeth is far from over, but this stage of life is so much fun, too. 6 months is, so far, the best age. He is sweet and funny. He is curious and inquisitive. He is alert. He loves people. He is loving. 
With all the hard moments (and weeks, lately…), I wouldn’t trade one of them for the world. This journey is amazing. And rewarding. And a blessing beyond what I could have ever hoped. God sure knows how to give good gifts. So at the end of the day, I am thankful for teething because that means I have my baby boy. 

Establish Your Hearts in the Purpose of the Lord

Published on by Sarah E. CooleyLeave a comment

On a scale from emotionless to feeler, I have all feelings for pretty much everyone on this earth.

I see a homeless person on the street, and I get a pit in the bottom of my stomach. A woman who throws herself at any available guy, and I feel her insecurity. A young teen experiencing a pregnancy, I experience her wide pang of emotions.

My heart feels to the uttermost of its’ being. Not sure exactly why I am wired that way. Some days it feels like a curse. Other days I am so thankful for it because I can understand.

Today is one of those days where it feels like a curse. My heart is heavy with the sorrow that this world is surrounded by.

Men, women, and children around the world suffering because they don’t have the money to buy food or purchase needed medication or the access to clean water.

Women all over the world being trapped in a difficult relationship because of an abusive husband.

Boys growing up without fathers.

Countries in utter turmoil and unrest. Wars. Famine. Catastrophes.

Each person, hurting.

And in the last few weeks, videos popping up about sweet, precious children dying. Their lives being sold for someone’s gain – being labeled as tissue and specimen. Being taken before their lives even have a chance to see light, to breathe air, to feel and hear and love.

Helpless beings without any ability to save themselves.

And we just sit here.

No, we allow it to happen even. We create laws to legalize it.

My heart cannot comprehend it.

In war it is almost an unspoken rule that if you are female or a child you are untouchable. If a person can kill a child, they have no soul. Without question, people damn them and scream profanities at them.

Please, please…someone tell me how this is different? Why is a baby who has not exited her mother’s womb fair game? Why are you praised for such a thing? Why is it acceptable?

Several people have told me that this is about freedom to choose and to not have government choose what is and what isn’t medically administered to a person. But, what about what is medically right for that baby? And when did doctorally supervised murder become medical?

That baby never had a chance to petition on the steps of our nations capitol. It never had the chance to scream out in pain, scream out and beg for mercy.

Mercy. Not getting what you deserve.

Grace. Getting what you don’t deserve.

Does one deserve to die because they don’t have a voice? In order to cry out for mercy, in order to cry out for grace, that assumes that you are deserving of a punishment, yet you receive the opposite. Usually one deserves to die because of wrong doing.

You receive mercy and grace when you are being condemned to death, yet you receive life.

Yet, these sweet infants are being condemned to death, undeservedly. They are being punished for the sins of their mother and father. They are crying out for grace and mercy, yet they have done nothing wrong.

Sound familiar?

I think Jesus knows exactly how these young ones feel. A man, undeserving of death, dies a murderers death. He is beaten, mocked, and brutally killed. His death being praised by the crowds.

These babies are brutally killed. Torn from limb to limb. Mocked (told they have no value…they are nothing but “tissue” and “specimen”). Praised by the people, praised by the crowd.

But thank God, Jesus defeats death. He has taken the place of you and I. He has died for us – given us grace and mercy.

When a day is so heavy and my heart aches for these babies and their mamas who will forever live without the sweet presence of their lives, I can turn to the Word.

James 5:7-12 was such a sweet reminder to me today.

“Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand. Do not grumble against one another, brothers, so that you may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing at the door. As an example of suffering and patience, brothers, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord. Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful. But above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath, but let your “yes” be yes and your “no” be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation.”

These verse are a sweet reminder that the Lord is coming and to be patient just as the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth. We must wait trusting that the Lord’s completed work is just a season away from coming to fruition.

But, it doesn’t just tell us to wait twiddling our fingers. We are to wait as the prophets waited – proclaiming Jesus’ name. We are to wait as Job waited – bring glory to God through his adversity in steadfastness.

We are to wait in steadfastness remembering the purpose of the Lord: compassion and mercy. We are to establish our hearts in these truths knowing that one day the Judge will come.

Amen.

Mom-Colored Glasses

Published on by Sarah E. CooleyLeave a comment

Motherhood opens your eyes to a whole other world – a whole new dimension to this thing we call life. Everything you look at, touch, hear, sound, smell…everything is now seen through this new filter of motherhood.

Motherhood is a beautiful lens. It paints beauty onto things once monotonous.

For example, kids toys. When I was not a mom, I used to totally judge people for the amount of toys they had in their house. I would walk, more like wade, through their house with a floor filled with stuffed beings and plastic, noise making apparatuses…and I would judge. “Your kid is spoiled,” I thought, “Go outside and play with sticks and bugs and dirt.”

Now that I have these “mom-colored-glasses,” I see the wonder that are toys. Jackson LOVES his exersaucer – more specifically, he loves ‘Mandy Pandy’ (Panda) as Eric has named him/her. He laughs and ‘talks’ to this panda for more hours a day than I would like to admit. I do also play with my son, but that panda has a way with my son that I do not understand, but that I like. Mandy the Pandy allows me to do the dishes, to clean, even nap sometimes (don’t judge ;)). He also loves the countless other toys he has – Mr. Zebra, fabric book, whale, Mr. Elephant, teething bee, and many more. Yes, my kid has been spoiled by his grandmas and grandpas, aunts and uncles (blood and should have been blood), but the joy I see my baby boy have when he looks that panda in the eyes and giggles and giggles is one that I would pay a trillion and one dollars to see.

It makes me understand God’s love for me that much more.

Me, an imperfect (and even evil) parent gives my child good gifts. Imagine what gifts my perfect, good father gives me (Matthew 7:11). Plus, Mandy helped my baby boy roll over today…A task I was unable to do. Thank you, Mandy, and thank you Grandma Charlie for gifting Mandy. 🙂

Another thing that motherhood has done is shown me beauty in friendships. There is nothing quite like walking through life with people who are in the same stage of life as you or have gone before you. My friends are so beautiful. And, even more now than ever before, I realize what a beautiful bond having girl friends is. It is unlike any other bond. No man (sorry, honey) will ever realize what it is like to push out a 8lb 6oz baby out of your own body, or carrying it for 9 months. No man will ever understand what it is like to lose 40ml of blood each month and still carry on with life – I know TMI. Whatever. But really, more than child bearing or the time of the month, womanhood is a special thing, and I do not know what I would do without my friends.

Seeing friendship through mom-colored glasses also means that sometimes friendships that were once so close are no longer as close any longer. Time becomes very sacred, and in order to prioritize your new baby (and firstly your husband), some friendships become weaker and some leave altogether. The reality of that is sad. If friendships could last forever, I would be one happy girl. But at some point, you have to realize they don’t and move forward and focus on the present. To all my girls who have stuck around through the years or new friendships, thank you for sticking by my side even when I can be a real pain or when my sins get really ugly. Because of your presence in my life, I can face problems and face fears with the Lord by our side. Your grace in my life has changed me and made me a better person!

Motherhood has changed my view of my marriage – because becoming a mother has also made my husband a father. I cannot even remember what my husband was like before he became a father. It is not like it was 10 years ago – it has only been 4, almost 5, months, but seriously. Something in him changed. He grew into the man God has called him to be. Don’t get me wrong…he still leaves whiskers in the sink after shaving and wet towels draped over the door…he’s still human, and he is still growing and making mistakes. But, like me being a mother, he is fulfilling one of God’s calls on his life. And it is changing him dramatically. I love him. I cannot imagine another human being who would be better to walk through this life with me.

Having these new glasses has also made life somewhat more difficult. Having a child is like having a piece of my heart taken from inside of me and put into an unsafe, uncertain environment that is completely unpredictable that I have little to no control over. It can cause worry, pain, and hurt. It can be gruesome and uneasy. These mom-colored glasses have given me the biggest opportunity in my life so far to trust in God. Worry can completely overtake me – what if he stops breathing in his sleep, what if I drop him, what if he gets sick, what if we’re driving and crash…

What if, what if, what if.  As a mom, I could drown in the sea of ‘what ifs.’

It’s easy to end up there… And there are plenty of other moms that will be drowning right along with you. Because worry lies to you and tells you that you are caring when in reality you are chaining yourself to anxiety and, farther down the road, pain.

I am so grateful for this time in my life. A time of discomfort at times, but also a time of peace and trust in God. Life can be hard and people can hurt you and you can hurt people, but it is beautiful. It is beautiful because it is a time in life to trust Him and find peace in Him. Philippians 4 is one of my very favorite passages:

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me-practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”

Isn’t that so true – when we trust in the Lord, he is faithful to bring peace in our anxiety. When we practice the things He has given us in the Bible, our peaceful God is with us!

Thank you, Lord, for your peace and thank you for the mom-colored glasses that give me the opportunity to trust in you better!