Motherhood is this endless cycle of pursing righteousness, failing, repenting and asking forgiveness, then once again starting again. Many times during these long days of mothering and homeschool, it is so easy to get lost in the hard.
Cleaning the 17th mess of the day at only 8:00am. Refereeing the 15th squabble of the morning. Protecting the older three’s Magnatile castle from Jakey – affectionately known as Godzilla. Reminders to not talk during story time. Wiping boogers. Picking up half drawn artwork from the dining room table and floor. Corralling the dogs away from the food left out. Instructions in math and language arts that are met with frustration. Each separately can lead a soul to despair, not to mention each one of those perpetually poking at a mother’s weary soul day after day.
Then this: All on their own – they opened their Bible’s this morning and started working on their memory verses from church.
I would love to say that this was the magic key that corrected their wrong behaviors and instilled a deep love for each other and the Lord. But, as any beautiful *Kodak* moment goes, it’s often met with a reality check.
As they were all sitting down reading, One of the girls is snarky with her siblings. They all pipe in with their retorts. And I am reminding them why we do Bible reading in the first place. A reminder even I need.
In our Christian culture here in America (and I’m sure some struggle with this elsewhere in the world), it’s so easy to do the things that make us look like a good Christian, yet forgetting why we do them in the first place.
Last night, at my church’s women’s Bible study, we talked about Exodus 26-27 (and Leviticus 24) and the plans for the tabernacle. In it, the table was referenced. On the table is the bread of presence. 12 loaves to represent the 12 tribes of Israel. Each one a reminder to the Israelites of their covenant with God. And each one a reminder to rest in God’s promises, His provision for them.
Like the bread of presence, we have a similar table this side of the new covenant. Jesus’ body and his blood – the bread and the wine. We are instructed to do this in remembrance of Him. Similarly, the Israelites were instructed to do this every sabbath as a remembrance of the covenant they had with God – a perpetual due.
Then a friend at my table asked (paraphrased), “if this meal was so significant to the Israelites, and we have a new and better covenant through Jesus’ blood, why don’t we take communion as seriously as they did?”
Woof. How often do we, as those apart of a covenant with Jesus’ perfect blood, take communion seriously? Or furthermore, any part of church seriously? How often do we sing the same songs and recall the same verses over and over again without thinking of the gravity of what we have been blessed with?
We head to church and smile as we walk through the doors while 10 minutes prior we were yelling at our kids or arguing with our spouse.
We read our bibles and 10 minutes later snap at our kids.
We raise our hands at worship to only write our to do list for the day/week during the sermon or space out thinking about our grocery list.
We discipline our children, then turn and do the same things we instructed them not to do.
As I corrected my child this morning, I realized how guilty I often am of the same thing she did.
And yet, just like for my child, His grace abounds toward me! No sacrifice I could ever make would suffice to bring me to God. No deed could ever be adequate to pay the debt that I owe. It is by his grace and his shed blood that I can approach his throne with confidence. As Hebrews says, it is there that we find mercy and grace to help us in our times of need. Without Jesus’ shed blood, our ability to do any good would be impossible. All would fall short (Romans 3:23). It is because of His blood that we can worship Him, can draw near to Him, and can approach Him.
So thankful for this reminder today as the last few weeks have been tough. I regularly fail. Hundreds of times during the day at least. But one thing is true, His help is what I need – and that is found before His throne. Not in finished laundry. Not in a perfect homeschool day. Not in a perfectly manicured home or self. Not in strong adult friendships. Not in well behaved kids or a perfect marriage. Those are just a façade. None will ever happen perfectly, some will never happen at all (especially laundry ;). Each distracts my gaze from the true provider and covenant maker. So my meditation this week is to trust in His work. When I’m tempted to trust in myself, I pray I can turn my gaze to His throne and trust the only one who can bring true help, rest, and provision…the balm to this mother’s weary soul.
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