This year has not been a walk in the park by any means. I don’t say that to get attention or to warrant a ‘poor thing.’ I say it because it is a year where I have truly learned the word endurance.

In the last year: my week old daughter had meningitis, we had to leave our church of almost 7ish years (and all the friends-like-family that came along with it), we spent months giving our infant daughter breathing treatments on the verge of getting admitted once more for low oxygen levels, she had a dairy allergy, my brother got diagnosed with cancer, we waded through a lot of relationship troubles and woes, we struggled through sin issues, struggled through faith and what it truly means to be a Christian, my son got diagnosed with a skin condition (a two year process in some cases – hoping ours is much shorter), I got the shingles, and today’s diagnosis: my sweet baby’s got the chicken pox.

Kicker to the chicken pox, I gave it to her with my shingles… so that’s cool (sarcasm). And because of the chicken pox, I can’t see my sister give birth OR visit her until 10 days post scabbed lesions on my daughter. Today was an emotional day. I was sad.

As I was processing today all that was going on, I actually wasn’t overwhelmed. I wasn’t angry. I was sad for missing out on so much fun this week (date night tonight, Fall Fest on Thursday, sister’s 1st baby’s birth, nephew’s birthday party, etc.).

As my husband put it, “the timing is impeccable!” HA! Precisely!

I was sitting, feeding my sickly daughter in her room, rocking her, cuddling with her, and the super fancy sign (ha!) that has been up there since her sister was a baby (3 years next month) stood out to me.

“Strength and dignity are her clothing and she laughs at the time to come,” (Proverbs 31:25).

I sat there thinking, yes, this is exactly it.

When I sat in that emergency room holding my one week year old daughter with an IV on her itty bitty foot, just having had a spinal tap, I knew that she was very sick, but I knew I had a God who was bigger than whatever was going on in her body. Yes, I was scared. Yes, I cried. But the momentary sadness for my sweet girl paled in comparison to my overwhelming sense of peace knowing God has that situation under control. Even if I was to lose my daughter that day, he was still good.

And each situation after it.

It was true when we had to leave our church. God made it very clear that was our next step, and so we stepped out in obedience. Yes, sad. Yes, heartbroken. Hurt at times. Angry at times. But certain it was God who had led us and God who would continue to lead us. While we weren’t “laughing at the times to come” quite yet, we knew he has always been faithful and would continue to be faithful.

Then, my brother’s cancer diagnosis. While so, so sad yet again, we are fully trusting in a God who protects us and provides and is GOOD regardless of the circumstances we are faced with. His promises aren’t just true when things are going well.

And through all these terrible skin issues we have been having – God is faithful and he provides. He has purpose in all of it. With Jackson’s condition, it has made me so aware and sympathetic towards those who constantly deal with illness. There’s not a day that goes by that I’m not doing something to his skin. Rubbing oils on him, bandaging him, patching him up. That is minimal to what others have to go through in the grand scheme of things, yet God is giving me a glimpse into other’s lives so I can be empathetic and relate.

As I was looking deeper into Proverbs 31:25, I was looking up the hebrew words within the verse. The phrase “the days to come” is a phrase meaning “at the future.” It means: later, subsequent, latter, last (of time). Another verse that contained the same phrase was found in Job 19.

Verse 25 states, “for I know that my Redeemer lives, and at last he will stand upon the earth.”

What an encouraging verse. Then I continued on to verse 26-27,  “After my skin has been thus destroyed, yet in my flesh I shall see God, whom I shall see for myself, and my eyes shall behold, and not another. My heart faints within me!” (ESV).

Ugh. Not exactly as uplifting as verse 25, but very fitting for our current skin issues.

“After my skin has been thus destroyed……….”

No thanks, I’ll take my redeemer living and him having the last stand on the earth. But my skin being destroyed. No thanks.

What I am realizing this month. The cost to obeying God is great. It’s not this hunky-dory walk in the park. It’s difficult. And painful. It comes with loss. Maybe friends, maybe family. Maybe your health, your pretty skin. Maybe your job. There is always a cost. But, there is no greater sacrifice than to follow the Lord. I’m telling you, NOTHING.

You know why? Peace, is why. Joy, is why.

Yesterday when I started seeing bumps on my daughter, I should have been overwhelmed. I should have been angry that yet again, we’re sick. Again, we’re missing out. When I lose friendships, I should be devastated. And while I’m sad for all of these things and have had to grieve them, I am not brought down. My day didn’t end there. I spent some time sad today, but I moved on. I spent time in the Word seeking His truth. I continued loving my kids and serving them. (I did, however, stay in my pj’s all day and that’s probably how you’ll find me for the next 10 or so days…. however long this lasts 😉 )

I can honestly laugh at the days to come because I see where we are a year later. While we have gone through a lot, we have grown even more. Our faith in God is stronger than it has ever been. We are being strengthened by his energy that he is powerfully working within me (Colossians 1:29). While *I* think could have done without all of what happened this year, I know *He* was doing a work in my heart. He was pruning the not so pretty parts, and growing the parts that needed to grow. And still is, for goodness sake!

“…Yet in my flesh I shall see God, whom I shall see for myself, and my eyes shall behold, and not another. My heart faints within me!”