I am so overwhelmed. Gosh, it feels good to just say it out loud…..

I won’t say two kids under two has been easy, but it’s been an adventure so far.

Our pro-at-sleeping toddler has decided to not sleep anymore. Our 5 month old baby girl is teething. With my stress level being so high, my immune system is down. Which means, I have caught every single bug flying around. Even with essential oils and supplements and blah blah blah…. my body is out of balance and it’s taking its toll!

Isn’t it interesting? In January, I made some pretty lofty goals! I had planned on reading my bible every day, baking every week, doing the dishes nightly and staying on top of the laundry by instituting Laundry Monday (HA!!). I am embarrassed by the amount of clothes we have. I planned on so many things for my business. Planned on teaching classes and spreading the oil love. I have done a little of that, but I have not been anywhere as intentional with this as I thought I would. I thought I would be back to my pre-baby weight by now….Sadly, none of these things have happened. And most of them, I have failed at completely. Ha, my word for the year was even ‘intentional.’

It’s only April. 4 months into the year. Not even halfway into this year and I have already failed.

Last week, I got the motivation to get back on the horse…to grab the bull by the horns and just do it!

Welp, Friday came along, and I knew Saturday wasn’t going to be good. I ended up sick… on Eric’s birthday… then Easter came, and my body was still fighting something off. Here I am Monday, in my pjs, trying to continue to fight off whatever is trying to take me completely down.

And now, I’m having to give myself grace and learn to love the process not necessarily the end result that didn’t happen.

But, through these hardships, I have truly been given so many blessings.

With Jackson having a hard time sleeping, we have gotten a TON of extra cuddles in! (Also, any sleep recommendations to help him out, I’ll take them! We’re getting desperate…and really really tired.)

With being sick, I have been forced to slow down and spend time at home instead of rushing around from play date to appointment to fill-in-the-blank-activity.

I get to accept help from others…one thing I really struggle with. I am the type who will just do everything because I KNOW it will get done quickly and get done correctly. I haven’t been great at this. It’s been a struggle. But, I’m learning and that is a blessing.

Through this overwhelming stage of life, it has really grounded me. It’s a reminder that I am a flawed human being deeply in need of my saviors grace.

(Because honestly, I’ve been ugly the last few months. And not ugly in the no-make-up-hair-not-done sense, though that has been reality, but in the character and attitude sense. My poor poor husband. A sick, sleep deprived woman is not pretty. I say things like “you’re an ass” in the middle of the night while he has been sick and up with the kiddos too. It’s okay, you can say it, I’m disgusted at me too. Sorry honey. )

Easter was such a great reminder that Jesus didn’t come to save the Sarah who crushes her goals and dreams with perfection. Jesus came to save the Sarah who utterly and completely fails…daily. Jesus came to save the Sarah who says nasty, mean things to her husband. The Sarah with a sink full of stinky dishes. The Sarah who hasn’t worked out for a month and a half and who had two pieces of cake yesterday…plus lots of candy. And mini chocolate Cadbury eggs. And fatty lattes on the regular.

Jesus came to save me because he knew I couldn’t do it on my own. If I was perfect, I wouldn’t need saving right?. He came to save me because even my attempt at doing life with him is in shambles – it’s hard to imagine how my life without him would be.

Life is not rainbows or butterflies or everything Instagram makes it out to be. It’s tough. And difficult. And sad and lonely.

But without Jesus it would be hopeless. Hope that life is about more than what is immediately in front of me – but is about a future where Jesus wins. I am so grateful to have the hope he provides. So I can look at my mess of a life and know it doesn’t end here. Praise God!

Who else can devour a whole bag of Cadbury eggs single-handedly? 😳