I grew up going to Christian school – kindergarten until I graduated college.
 |
| College graduation 3 years ago yesterday (5/5/12)…crazy how quickly time flies! |
I loved my experience in private, christian school. It taught me so much. We had so many great experiences and life lessons that have followed me into adulthood. Among the great life lessons were the chapel songs we sang each week. I can still sing you the songs and do the hand motions from songs we sung in elementary school.
The superman song is one that still pops into my head whenever someone says “superman.” The words say: “I got freckles on my nose and holes in my shoes. The wrong color clothes and a missing tooth; I’m not superman. God, you made me the kid that I aaaaaaaammmm. Thank you God for who I am! I don’t have to be a superman! Thank you God for who I am! All I want to be is YOUR BEST FRIEND!!!”
When I was a kid, I didn’t really understand what it meant to try to be someone else. I was myself and I sure didn’t require perfection out of myself. If anything, I gave myself more grace than I should have. As I grew, that changed quite a bit. I cared more and more what people thought about me. Life became a game of picking and choosing pieces of my life to share and pieces of my life to tuck away and hide, to leave them in the dark.
~~~
This morning, in the moms4moms group that I am a part of, I shared my story with the women. As I look back, there was one phrase that I said over and over again: “I realized I didn’t have to be the perfect Christian.”
So many times in my life, I have sought perfection. Some would say this isn’t a bad thing, but it had become an area of pride in my life. I grew up going to church and in Christian school so I knew the christian-ese thing to say, the perfect Sunday school answer. I could make anyone believe that I had everything together and had no problems. Even when I was drowning in sin or wading through the waters of sorrow, I could throw a smile on my face, say I was blessed, and no one would even bat an eye. It’s easy to throw a smile on your face and make other people believe you are living a fairy tale.
Eventually, though, that catches up with you. My sin of pride caught up with me. Trying to be perfect is impossible when you are human. Not sure about you guys, but last time I checked humans make mistakes. Instead of accepting imperfection and the fact that I can’t be this “perfect Christian,” I would seclude myself. It was easier to hide from people then to show people my true colors, to show that I was not a perfect person, to show that I was struggling or was in pain. This became a cycle in my life.
 |
| My husband and I at our friend’s wedding – post-wedding, pre-baby 🙂 |
This past year, especially in marriage, there wasn’t much of a chance to hide. There were some very difficult times in my life where people had to be let in and had to be apart of my struggle. Without divulging too much information over the internet, I will just say that I am so thankful for those times. Times of tears, but times that turned into times of joy. When surrendering my imperfection to Jesus, I was able to fully receive his grace.
Isn’t it funny? We try to be perfect when someone took the place of perfection for us so we wouldn’t have to be. I no longer have to try. I don’t have to constantly work to “make it.” Because of Jesus, I have made it. I now carry his identity, and I no longer have to create this other identity from my actions, or an identity from what I chose to share or not to share.
Now, I’m not saying this means to break the law and just say give yourself grace. I think Paul was very clear about that in Romans when he said, “What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?” (Romans 6:1-2 ESV).
My problem was not with sinning a lot…I had that part down. I am the chief of sinners; I can sin “perfectly.” My problem is that instead of saying, God’s grace abounds, I say, “I never sinned.” So I tack on a lie to my sin. Now I have a double sin. Now I’m messing with reality. I’m deceiving.
Great.
So instead of turning and repenting from my sin and shortcomings, I dwell in it, seclude myself from others by lying, and dig the hole deeper and deeper away from Jesus and his church.
~~~
Gosh, thank God for insight from our past mistakes right? I think I would still be hiding if I hadn’t been able to look back and see my past and the patterns I was creating. Hindsight is 20/20, right?
God has given me freedom – freedom from my past. Freedom from my sins. Freedom from the chains of pride. Pride is binding. Pride severs relationships. Pride masks, and pride lies.
Pride tells us, we need to be this, or we need to be that. It tells us that we need to be perfect, and we need to be superwomen.
NO.
We don’t need to have it all together. People don’t need to think that my life is perfect. They don’t need to think that all I ever do is smile and laugh. Pain and tears are a part of real life. To be human is to feel pain, sorrow, mistakes, hurt.
Several of my favorite verses talk about this:
Galatians 5:1, “For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.”
John 3:19-21, “And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed. But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his works have been carried out in God.”
Luke 11:33-36, “No one after lighting a lamp puts it in a cellar or under a basket, but on a stand, so that those who enter may see the light. Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is full of light, but when it is bad, your body is full of darkness. Therefore be careful lest the light in you be darkness. If then your whole body is full of light, having no part dark, it will be wholly bright, as when a lamp with its rays gives you light.”
2 Corinthians 12:9-10, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
We don’t have to be perfect. Superwoman does not exist – newsflash, she’s fictional. Grace is present and working because of my imperfection, because of my weakness.
 |
| My imperfect family 🙂 and our accidental photobomb… 🙂 |
If I keep hiding behind my pride, I’ll live a life behind a mask. And who wants to do that?
Not me.
~~~
What mask are you hiding behind? Who can you let into your life to expose your imperfections to the light? Join me!
sarahecooley.com 