Month: December 2014

I am one of the most distracted people in this world.

No, really, it’s true.

When cleaning my house, I will start cleaning the kitchen. I find something that belongs in the bathroom, so I go to the bathroom to put that item away. Once in the bathroom, I realize the sink is a disaster. I clean the sink. I then return to the kitchen to get a drink of water. While getting the Brita out of the fridge, I realize the shelves have something sticky on them. I then clean the shelves altogether forgetting that I came to get a drink of water. I move on to the exterior of the fridge and clean the doors. I am now stepping in crumbs so I get the broom and sweep the floor.

This process repeats itself over and over again. Don’t believe me? Ask my husband. He laughs at me because he is fully aware of what is going on, but I have no clue. I’ve been working for hours and hours and have little to show for it because I have accomplished these little tasks and when I could have had the bathroom spotless.

….And, I still never got my drink of water….

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I was reading in Psalms yesterday and this pattern in my life reminded me of what I was reading.

Anyone ever read the Old Testament and followed the stories of the Israelites? Well, they have a tendency to start following God, then to quickly forget that he is around and move on to their next distraction. Once they made a bronze calf and worshiped it. Another time they complained to God of their food options so God sent Mana from HEAVEN and quail for them to eat…. he sent it from heaven….that is amazing! But, in their normal behavior, eventually didn’t trust God in his provision.

If you want a quick synopsis of the old testament, read Psalm 78 (click here).

This verse sums up the Israelites to me: “In spite of all this, they still sinned; despite his wonders, they did not believe,” (Psalm 78:32 ESV).

Yet, regardless of these things, God, at the end of Psalm 78, as an act of his loving-kindness and grace, sent David to shepherd the people of Israel and direct them to a better path: “With upright heart he shepherded them and guided them with his skillful hand,” (Psalm 78:72 ESV).

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I see this in my life constantly.

Firstly, in my cleaning, he sent me Eric to keep me on task 🙂 and make sure I stick to the one room I started working on. Joking aside, secondly, I am so easily distracted in my life. Things get in the way: Worries of life, stress, busyness, friendship/relationship issues, etc. I am walking down a path trusting God and then – boom – something enters the path and pushes me off course. Then, by God’s grace, he uses something to redirect me. Those things are usually either the Bible, my husband, my church (and those I’m in community with), a song, etc.

God is so gracious. How many times have I promised him (just like Peter) that I would trust him and not deny him, yet I continue to do so just like the Israelites? He provides Mana from heaven, and two minutes later I am complaining about it or storing it up for myself because I am afraid he will not provide tomorrow. Stupidity.

In light of the New Year tomorrow (2015, can you believe it?!) I am choosing once again to commit to following Christ. To accepting the freedom he has already given me and not falling into the same sins that he delivered me from. To trusting in his goodness despite my circumstances. To learning about him more and more daily as I read his word and talk with him. To community and growing deeper and deeper in relationship with those in my church while I serve God, my church, and my community. To teaching my baby (coming oh so soon!!!) about God and his goodness and faithfulness. To growing in my relationship with my husband and learning and growing in our faith in God together. To so many things!! Welcome, 2015….I’m ready for you!!

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God, thank you so much for the grace you lavish on me… From the time I accepted your gift of salvation for my sins taking on the debt that I could not, to now, walking and following you despite the many distractions of life that I so often allow to get me off course. Thank you for guiding me, and thank you for providing for me. I trust in you. Help me to remember your goodness in the darkest of nights and the lightest of days. You are all-sufficient.

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To Be Continued…

Have you ever had your heart drop? Yesterday, my heart dropped twice. Not the, “Boo! I got scared!” type of heart-dropping. But the, “oh no, what have I done? How did I do that? Who have I hurt?” type of heart drop.

This has only happened a few times growing up. Silly enough, all of my heart-dropping situations have occurred via text messaging, emails, Facebook messages, etc. Two of those times were in college. I had been upsetting someone for the whole school year, but I did not hear about it until finals week before summer vacation. I found out through a round of upsetting text messages. We are friends now, but at the time, I was crushed and really quite worried that she’d never speak to me again. The issue was cleared up, and I am grateful.

Another time was when someone became upset because they thought I had “copied” their engagement ring. I received a message via Facebook and a prompt unfriending (still trying to figure that one out since I did not pick out my ring and my husband did and does not even know the person…). Needless to say, that is still not resolved and I still scratch my head wondering if there was something else that prompted her to be upset.

Yesterday, I received one of those heart dropping text messages. It was anonymous (because I didn’t have their phone number).

To give background, I posted a video with my thoughts about it. It did not come out very clear. A friend was kind enough to bring it to my attention. I removed the posting from Facebook and wrote a status of apology for not communicating clearly and for any hurt that was caused. And I attempted to clarify what I was trying to say.

Late last night, before Eric and I were to head into a meeting, I received a text message. In this instance, the person told me that there is no compassion in my heart, that they had blocked me, and that they were scared of me. I do not have this person’s phone number and when I tried to ask them what exactly they were referring to or who they were, they did not respond. When I asked to meet in person and discuss the matter, again, no response.

Now, I am not telling you this to gossip or to vent – I don’t even know who the person is and I have done my fair share of tears and venting to my husband – but I write this to give you a set up for what my day was like yesterday and how I woke up this morning. I fell asleep thinking about what had happened. I dreamt about what had happened. I cried. I woke up and that feeling would not go away. My post was to show support to people I love and care about, not hurt them. But, thats what happened. I do not know if I was right or wrong in God’s eyes or even in human standards, but I definitely felt bad for what I had caused people: pain and confusion.

This morning, as I was laying in bed trying to will my body to move, I could not wait to read the Word. I kept thinking about the grace Jesus had lavished on me. He was mocked, beaten, bruised, and crushed for things he did not do. He did not even get a chance to proclaim his innocence. Nor did he really try because he knew his goal. He knew Judas was going to betray him, yet he loved him anyways…deeply.

Today, I was set to read 3 John. I open it and verse 11 said:

“Beloved, do not imitate evil but imitate good. Whoever does good is from God; whoever does evil has not seen God.” 

I opened to Psalm 66:16-20:

“Come and hear, all you who fear God, and I will tell you what he has done for my soul. I cried to him with my mouth, and high praise was on my tongue. If I had cherished iniquity in my heart, the Lord would not have listened. But truly God has listened; he has attended to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, because he has not rejected my prayer, or removed his steadfast love from me.”

Both of these verses calmed and reassured my soul in different ways. I need to imitate good – which is Jesus. Regardless, if I was right or wrong, I need to love everyone. I need to love the person who questioned my compassion and did not give me a chance to defend myself. Jesus had no chance to proclaim his perfect innocence. I could find several ways in which I was wrong yesterday so even if I had the chance to defend myself, I would still be guilty of something. Love. I need to not harbor bitter feelings toward that person and love them like Jesus loved the people who were falsely accusing him and who beat him and killed him.

Then in Psalm 66…God has not rejected my prayer. He has not removed his steadfast love from me. Even though I sin on the daily, he is there to pick me back up and rescue me. He’s there to redeem my soul. He’s there to bring me back to him. He is there to love those who I did not love well. I am so grateful that grace of God is just that, grace. It is undeserving. I do not deserve it. That makes mornings like this morning turn around in an instant.

Of course I wish to reconcile that relationship that has been broken. I really wish I knew who they were so I could even speak to them about it. I am thankful that I do not need their forgiveness, though, because the savior has given me forgiveness a billion times over. Even if I never get the opportunity to reconcile with them, Jesus has already reconciled for me and that is reassuring and brings me peace.

Now…if I could only remember to think about the grace he has given me immediately when something arrises, I think things would be much better in my life. Instead, I let the issues of yesterday ruin my evening, my sleep last night, and my morning.

Thank you Jesus for hearing my cry and your STEADFAST love! Thank you for your word to remind me of TRUTH. Thank you for your victory over sin and death so that one day I can live with you pain-free. Soon and very soon!

To be continued…

Rainy days always make me think about the parable Jesus told in Matthew 7:

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it,” (Matthew 7:24-27 ESV).

I have entered into a new season of life. One of which I hear comes with many challenges and difficult times…or rainy days, if you will (I know there will be SO many joyful days too, but it will be difficult nonetheless). Two months from yesterday until my due date. I am set to have a baby…a BABY… in two months from now. A small, tiny, helpless-without-me baby. This baby will rely on me for its’ nutrients, sustenance, growth, love, nurturing, etc. That often leads women to become tired, weary, discouraged, and burdened.

I have really taken this verse and tried my best to apply it to my life in the last several months. We do not always know when a storm is going to come: death in the family, job loss, marital issues, financial strain, etc. But, one thing we do know is that those times are going to come; they are going to come whether we are prepared for them or not.

So, why not be prudent and take the measures necessary to prepare? Repair the roof, replace old tires on your car, if a bad storm is coming get sandbags, buy an umbrella, a rain coat, clean out your rain gutters…

There are so many things we can do to provide/protect us from a physical storm, but what about an emotional/spiritual storm?

You need to strengthen your soul. How do I do that? By building your house on the rock – by “[hearing the words of God and doing them],” (verse 24).

The way I have been preparing for this is by reading the word and by prayer…and not just stopping there, but applying the things I have learned to my life.

Things like: patience, prudence with money/finances/life, love, gentleness, joy, so many other qualities/characteristics.

Entering into this season is pretty darn terrifying; I am not going to lie. There are so many things that scare me. But, in the midst of the fears that creep in, I know I will be standing secure and safe because I have placed my foundation on the rock, not on the sand. That brings so much comfort, peace, and joy!

Join me in this journey of building our houses on the rock, not the sand! Those who are reading this, I’m praying for you!

…to be continued…