God has woven various themes all throughout my life. Different themes that either are seen later on down the road or God is revealing them as I am walking through the different struggles and hardships. 

The latter is what is occurring right now. 

God is using different events and scriptures to teach me, to really teach me. This evening, I was reading through my normal bible reading schedule: a chunk of 1 Corinthians 7 and Psalm 51. 

“Coincidentally” or better yet, providentially, they both talked about the same idea: God could care less about our sacrifices or sacraments if they aren’t backed by a heart is broken, contrite, and clean. We can feed the homeless food everyday for the rest of their lives; we can create the church bulletin flawlessly; we can sing on the worship team on sunday; we can memorize verses and read our bible every day…none of it matters if our heart is not motivated by Christ but motivated by our own gain. 

My life in the last six months has been a desert waste land. There has been no growth (or very little). I have avoided people, God, scripture, prayer, honesty, etc. The sin that easily entangled did just that…I was stuck. 

Then the Lord began to slowly, but surely, work in my heart and in my life. Our young adults group at church went to a retreat and spoke about evangelism and having a plan. Different sermon’s that I had heard at church reiterated to me how BIG God is and how small I am and how much I need Christ. People who loved the Lord and cared about me had conversations with me that challenged me (probably more than they realize). The Gospel was impacting my life…

Now, here I am…at the beginning of a huge journey with the Lord. Ready and willing to surrender everything to him. He is teaching me more than I could imagine. 

I thought for a while that I wasn’t emotional anymore, but nope….sin had distorted who I really was. I teared up watching the bachelorette tonight….yeah, I know… My empathy is back and stronger than ever. I have a passion for reading the Bible again and learning more about the Lord again. 

I appreciate those who have read along in my blog post today…it is a little scatterbrained. But, that is how I feel today. Lots running through my head, but mostly gratitude to God for making me understand that he has to be first above everything else. If it isn’t in line, he will cause it to be in line behind him. 

Though, that reality sometimes hurts, it is worth it and I am thankful.