More recently, as in the last 3 months or so, I have been going through quite the trial. This simply has to do with circumstances changing, people moving out of my life onto new adventures, a new schedule, the Lord completely breaking me and revealing the deep and utter sin that I still live in even though I have been saved by His grace, etc. The Lord has used the last couple of months in a huge way to sanctify me (make me more like him – holy…no where near where He is, but he is using the events to inch me closer and closer). I was up late last night packing, making fabric flowers, doing laundry, and other such tasks that needed to get done before leaving for my cousins wedding today. I turned on Kari Jobe. I went through a spurt of time where she was ALL I listened to. I got tired of her for a long time and we had to take a break…that break ended last night. Anyways, I was listening to this song and this song with the last couple of months in the forefront of my mind and realizing a little bit more of how the Lord has revealed Himself to me in the last 4 months, the last year, the last 2 years, for my whole life.

And this is it: Jesus is my lover. To those who don’t know the Lord that sounds ludicrous. But, oh boy, to those of us who know the Lord, that is one of the most amazing qualities about Him. And for so long, I didn’t view Him that way.

I suppose that is because for so long I was fighting with the Lord. Fighting with Him for my own will to come about. Fighting with Him to make sure that everything in my life went without a hitch. If Plan A did not happen, I had Plan B following close behind. I placed God in a box and compartmentalized him. I decided that what I wanted was paramount and anything else was not good. God was only there to dictate the rules and punish me when I didn’t follow them.

I am an idiot. Simply, an idiot.

If that is the only view of God I have, I am completely and utterly missing the point. Why in the world would God send His one and only Son to die for the sins of those who rejected Him just to make sure they were following the rules and to discipline them when they broke them? That would not make any sense. If that was His plan, the world would have been destroyed shortly after creating it. God knows what is best. And he desires to pursue us and desires to have a relationship built on love.

So as I sat making fabric flowers, packing my bag for this weekends festivities, and doing laundry, I started reflecting on the Lord’s pursuit of me for the entirety of my life and specifically in the last year. The Lord has pursued me wholeheartedly. He has sought me out to show me His love and longs to delight in me. I have rejected Him over and over again, yet he stands there with the same amount of grace and love with His arms outstretched, scars in His hands and feet. Wow.